I dream of having threesome with my girlfriend’s best pal who gave me a lap dance at club

DEAR DEIDRE: THOUGH my girlfriend and I have a good sex life, I’m obsessed with taking things further by having a threesome with her best friend.

What my girlfriend doesn’t know is that her friend works part-time at a lap dancing club — and I’m one of her regulars.

I’m 28 and my girlfriend is 25. Her friend is 24.

I love my girlfriend and can see a future together.

But I am starting to get tired of the same positions and the same routines in bed.

I also have a very high sex drive which, if I’m honest, none of my partners has ever been able to completely satisfy.

The idea of a threesome has always appealed. I fantasise about it. A few weeks ago I went on a stag do, which ended up at a local lap dancing club.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that one of the dancers working there was my girlfriend’s friend from school.

At first, she was embarrassed, but she soon relaxed and agreed to give me a private dance.

She said my girlfriend didn’t know she lap danced for extra cash and was worried how she’d react.

She wanted to keep it from her social group so I said I’d keep her secret.

I’ve since been back a couple of times and mentioned my threesome idea to her.

She’s up for it in principle, but doesn’t want to risk spoiling her friendship.

However, she did mention that when they were teenagers, they had a sexual experience with each other, which my girlfriend has never mentioned.

So now I think, if they’ve had sex before they are more likely to do it again with me.

Should I ask my girlfriend or is that a terrible idea?

DEIDRE SAYS: Think very carefully before you say anything. There’s so much that could go wrong here.

It’s likely your girlfriend won’t be happy that you’ve been paying her best friend for secret lap dances, not to mention that you’ve already asked her to join you in bed.

You’re letting your fantasy get out of control. If you’re not careful, you could wreck both your relationship and your girlfriend’s friendship.

If you really want group sex with your girlfriend, perhaps bring it up in the abstract one day to gauge her reaction.

If she’s keen, ask if she can think of anyone suitable. Unless she suggests her best mate, it’s wise not to bring her up.

You’d also be wise to stop the secret visits to the lap dancing club which your girlfriend is likely to see as a betrayal. My support pack, Thinking Of A Threesome has more about the pros and cons.

TEENAGE TROUBLES

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M struggling since realising I’m bisexual. I’m not happy being with a guy or a girl.

I’ve only confided in a few close friends and I’m scared to tell my family. The hardest thing is, I don’t accept myself.

I’m an 18-year-old girl. I used to date only boys, but recently I’ve fallen for a female, too.

My friends are cool with it, but I’m not. I just want to be normal. My parents are very conservative and I know they’ll be upset.

I realise there’s nothing wrong with being bisexual, I just can’t see myself that way.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s natural to feel confused when first coming to terms with your identity. Don’t rush into relationships with either sex.

And don’t feel you need to tell your family immediately.

For support, contact switchboard.lgbt (0300 330 0630). My support pack, Bisexual Questions, will help.

I FANTASISE ABOUT ROMPS WITH MY FELLA’S BROTHER

DEAR DEIDRE: SEXY dreams about my partner’s brother are keeping me up at night.

I’m worried I might have feelings for him and it’s making me so guilty and confused.

I’m 32 and my fella, who I’ve been with for 12 years, is 33. His brother is 28.

Until the dreams started, I didn’t think about my partner’s younger sibling at all.

He was an immature teenager when we first met and I found him annoying.

He’s a nice guy, but he’s quiet and we’ve only ever made small talk.

But after we saw him at a wedding, I had a very sexy dream about him, in which we were naked and in bed together. I was shocked.

I woke up feeling very turned on and could barely look at my partner.

Our sex life has been pretty dull lately, which makes it even worse.

Since then, I’ve had several similar dreams. My partner’s brother and I are having sex or kissing in the shower, on a beach, in a car.

It’s made me wonder if I am attracted to him on a deep level. I now fantasise about him when I’m with my partner.

It feels like I’m having an affair, even though he has no idea about any of this.

Last time I saw him, I felt so nervous and embarrassed, I blushed like a little girl.

Do these dreams mean anything and should I do something about them?

DEIDRE SAYS: Whether or not our dreams have meanings is contentious, but everyone agrees they shouldn’t be taken literally.

It’s likely that the issue here is your dissatisfaction over your sex life with your partner.

Your brain and body are craving sex. Perhaps your boyfriend’s brother symbolises the exciting sex you had when you were younger and now miss.

Keep your fantasies to yourself – they are harmless as long as you don’t reveal them. Instead, see if you can give your sex life with your partner a boost.

It’s likely the dreams will then stop automatically.

See my support packs, Sexual Fantasies And You, and 50 Ways To Improve Your Sexual Relationship.

THANK YOU FOR… HELP CURBING MY ADDICTION TO SEX

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my sex addiction threatened to destroy my marriage, I recognised I needed to stop sleeping with everything in a skirt.

I thought my problem was loving women too much. I was having multiple affairs and sleeping with escorts – as well as with my wife – and knew it was wrong.

I’m a 46-year-old man. My wife is 44 and we have two grown-up kids.

You told me it was brave of me to admit my problem – but that my issue wasn’t that I was obsessed with women, it was an emptiness within myself that I was trying to fill.

You also warned me that I was putting my wife’s sexual health at risk.

Your support pack Addicted To Sex was very helpful to read.

You also suggested that I check out pivotalrecovery.org for a professional online self-help programme.

Your wise words of advice really got through to me.

I cancelled an escort I’d booked and ended my affairs. I got checked out at an STI clinic and thankfully was clear, so I didn’t need to tell my wife.

Now I’m having counselling. Thank you for caring.

DEIDRE SAYS: Sex addiction is difficult to overcome but it sounds like you’re on the road to recovery.

GHOSTED BY BEST FRIEND

DEAR DEIDRE: MY best friend doesn’t want to know me any more. I have always been there for her, and don’t understand why she’s ghosted me.

I’m a 26-year-old guy and she is 25. We met at university six years ago, when we lived in the same accommodation block.

We bonded over our love of emo music.

As someone who finds it hard to make friends, and is shy, having a close friendship with her was important to me.

I would have liked a relationship but she made it clear she wasn’t interested.

Over the years, she’s had problems with depression, anxiety and self-harming. I was always there for support. I went with her to the doctor and sat up with her while she cried herself to sleep.

Sometimes, she wasn’t nice to me, but I didn’t stop being her friend.

Recently, though, she’s been avoiding me for no reason. If I call, she doesn’t pick up. She’s blocked me on social media too.

I haven’t done anything but be a good friend. Why is she treating me like this?

DEIDRE SAYS: Being ghosted by a close friend is extremely painful and confusing.

Perhaps she just needs some space. Or, if she’s having another crisis, pushing you away could be a symptom.

You can’t make her be your friend. All you can do is make it clear you care, and are there for her when she’s ready.

That said, your friendship does sound a little one-sided. You need someone who looks after you too.

My support packs Rows With Friends and Shyness And Social Anxiety may be of help.