Wedding planner and venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, no matter how big or small, in a weekly agony aunt column.
Dear Alison,
I went out for dinner with a friend a month or so ago, and we were talking about our relationships. I mentioned that I was desperate for my partner to propose and joked that I had ‘about another 12 months of waiting in me’.
My friend, clearly not realising I was being playful, panicked – and confessed that I could expect a proposal very soon, implying that she knew it was 100% on the cards.
While I was happy to hear it, I immediately ran through all the dates my boyfriend and I had coming up in the diary and realised he was probably going to propose on a holiday we were taking to see my family a week later.
Well, it turns out I was correct. While I’m over the moon that I’m going to be marrying my soulmate, I’m a bit pissed off at my friend for spoiling the surprise. My partner had done such a good job of concealing his intentions, I honestly would have been none the wiser.
My fiancé would also hate to know I’d been told and that his friend – this girl’s boyfriend – betrayed his confidence.
How do I get over my feelings of annoyance? Should I tell my fiancé? And should I confront my friend?
Thanks,
Lisa
Dear Lisa,
Congratulations. You are engaged to your soulmate, and that’s the most crucial point to remember.
Ultimately, what truly matters is the depth of your relationship and the significance of the proposal, not the surprise element; your love and commitment are what make this engagement special.
All of that said, I do also completely understand why you’re feeling a little deflated. You had imagined – and wanted – a wholly unexpected, out-of-the-blue proposal that would sweep you off your feet; instead, you were able to put two and two together ahead of time.
It’s totally normal that you’re feeling a bit let down.
Your emotions are valid, and it’s important to acknowledge and accept them.
However: I gather from what you’ve told me that your friend didn’t actually spill the details of when, where, or how your fiancé planned to propose. All she did was try to reassure you that it was going to happen at some point. She was probably trying to be supportive rather than secretive.
And her words didn’t give it away – it was your detective work that meant you realised when the proposal was going to take place.
Once the idea was planted, you started analysing the upcoming dates and figured it out.
Your friend likely had no idea you’d do this. After all, engagements can happen at any time, and you do not have to go away to be engaged. You just happened to guess when it might happen, and you just happened to be right.
It is easy to feel like something was taken from you, but the surprise wasn’t stolen – it just played out differently than you expected.
Blaming your friend will not change what happened; and it might make her feel bad about something she didn’t actually do.
Remember, you control how you perceive and react to this situation.
Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?
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Regarding telling your fiancé, what would it achieve; especially if he were someone who would be upset knowing you had a suspicion beforehand?
After all, he pulled off a beautiful proposal, and you still said yes with excitement – so why dampen that moment?
Plus: your friend didn’t betray your fiancé’s confidence. No one is at fault here.
Remember, you still get to experience the love and intention behind the proposal. Your fiancé put in the effort to make it unique, and that’s something to cherish.
Your future is bright and full of love, and this proposal is just the beginning
Most importantly, you still get to marry the love of your life. That is what you need to celebrate.
Life is not perfect, and you cannot control how events happen. Love isn’t about orchestrating the ideal surprises – it’s about the thought, effort, and commitment behind them. It is important to remember that.
Your fiancé planned this proposal because he loves you and wants to spend his life with you. That’s the true magic of it, not the element of surprise.
So enjoy your engagement, celebrate with your fiancé, and don’t waste another second feeling frustrated with people who haven’t done anything wrong.
The love, the commitment, the excitement – all of that is what really matters.
Your future is bright and full of love, and this proposal is just the beginning of a beautiful adventure.
Best wishes,
Alison
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