I was married for seven years and didn’t have a single orgasm — then I met Jim

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Loretta*, a straight 53-year-old mum-of-two from Birmingham.

Four years ago, she divorced her husband of seven years after learning he’d been unfaithful – but admits the split also came as a relief, as their marriage had been dead in the water for years.

There was also another reason – her ex-husband had never given her an orgasm.

‘I wasn’t very sexual in my marriage,’ Loretta, who works as a health coach, tells Metro. ‘My partner went through the motions but he never bothered to make me finish.’

When she felt ready to start dating again, Loretta admits she had been nervous about getting intimate in her fifties.

But then she met Jim, 62, who transformed her sex life. ‘I was nervous he might just be after some fun, but he reassured me and gave me my first mind-blowing orgasm in years,’ she explains. ‘It’s important to him that I climax every time – Jim makes me feel like a 19-year-oldlittle sex kitten.’

Without further ado, here’s how Loretta got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Monday

I’ve been working at home all day, then Jim turns up around dinner time. We have a bite to eat and watch some TV, then I decide I want some playtime.

When Jim and I met at a Meetup.com singles event about a year ago, there was an instant attraction. I’d been avoiding online dating – it felt too much like a cattle at auction – but this event felt more organic. The host introduced me to him and we hit it off straight away.

We went for a few coffees, which were restrained but very sexually charged. Then after a month, we finally slept together, and we’ve been serious about each other ever since. That first mind-blowing orgasm liberated me, and woke up my sex drive.

Tonight, I look at him with a wicked smile on my face, then flick a pen off the coffee table. Jim, a very neat and tidy man, knows what this means: I need punishing.

‘Over my knee, you bad girl,’ he says, with a glint. I obey and he pulls down my knickers and gives me a good spanking. It turns me on so much. We head to bed and have really intense sex. I come twice.

Our sex life is great because Jim loves being dominant and I love being submissive. It’s the best ying and yang. Outside the bedroom he’s the kindest, most helpful bloke you could meet.

I’ve raised two daughters who have now left home and I pretty much single-handedly run my own business, so being submissive is a relief in a life full of responsibility.

But our relationship is only possible because this dynamic exists alongside his empathy and warmth.

Tuesday

Today I have a few client calls online and hit the gym in the afternoon.

For about a month now Jim has had to cover some of the emergency callouts for his plumbing firm, which means he is out a lot during the night, three times a week.

I don’t like sharing him with his business in this way at all (I hate sleeping alone), but as tonight is a callout night for Jim, I watch TV and go to bed early with the crossword. Sex doesn’t really cross my mind when he’s not with me.

Wednesday

I go to a networking meeting this morning. There’s a relationship coach there advertising her sessions, and while some of us need to upgrade our blokes, I certainly don’t.

Jim and I always try to have Wednesday afternoons off and do something together. Today we go for a walk along an old aqueduct and have a late pub lunch.

We’re quite tired when we get back to his and neither of us have the energy to repeat Monday night, so we fall asleep early.

When we first got together we would stay with each other every night but we got comfortable and our sex life calmed down and got less frequent.

We’d been getting into a bit of a rut where we just didn’t have sex for say 10 days at a time. Since the callout nights, it’s back to a damn fine three times a week on average, I guess because our time is more precious.

Thursday

I’m an early riser so I get a couple of hours’ work in, then get back into bed while it’s still dark. It wakes Jim up and he quickly takes control, telling me off for giving him a hard on.

It’s a massive turn on for me, and he orders me to get on my knees before taking me from behind. I come once. Sometimes I do like the urgency of a quickie, it’s like he can’t resist me.

I think back to when I used to have sex with my husband, about twice a week – I don’t remember orgasming once. Sleeping with someone you don’t respect, but refusing to admit it, is no recipe for happiness in the bedroom.

It made me deeply unhappy and honestly, when my husband admitted he’d been unfaithful, I was relieved I had a reason to end it.

I couldn’t believe how good the sex was with Jim, right from the start. Instead of the manbaby I’d been married to, I hit the jackpot with a funny, kind, capable man – in every way. Who would have thought you could have the best sex of your life in your fifties?

This evening it’s callout night, so I’m alone and off to book group.

Friday

I work late today on calls to clients in America and I’m pretty tired and stressed by the time I collapse in front of the TV at 9pm. Jim is already there, watching endless YouTube videos about space.

He tells me about how his newly divorced sister wants to start dating, but she thinks nobody will want to be with her. We both agree this is insane. Neither me or Jim look like film stars, and we both need to lose weight, but I have a better sex life than my 25-year-old daughter (I’m lucky that we’re close, and she’s happy to talk to me about sex and relationships).

Meeting someone new grows your social circle and helps you make new connections, which could turn into something more. It’s about having fun, not trying to look half your age.

Later, we hit the hay early and drop off to sleep, far too exhausted to do anything else.

Saturday

Tonight is a proper date night with cinema and dinner out, before we hit the pub, which is pretty empty when we arrive.

I make the most of the almost-deserted space by lightly running my fingers up and down Jim’s crotch. Nothing too seedy – I don’t unzip his flies or anything, but he gets really hard really quickly.

It’s such a turn on to feel the response from doing hardly anything – less is most definitely more sometimes.

When we get home, he is Mr Dominant from the moment we get in the door, ordering me upstairs. I get a damn good spanking again for what I did in the pub, which is obviously delicious.

My ex and I never had playful sex because he wasn’t comfortable experimenting. But Jim and I love making up role play stories, like him chasing me naked around the moat of a medieval castle!

Sunday

I’ve always had this fantasy about Sundays: they should be about curling up in front of the fire with your man, where nooky would inevitably follow.

Today is nothing like that. Jim leaves at 7am on a callout and I have a funeral tomorrow, so I spend most of the day in my office working to make up the time ahead.

I’m in a foul mood by teatime and I’m just spoiling for a fight. I message Jim telling him he’ll have a better evening in the pub with his mates, but he misses the text and turns up anyway.

He can sense I’m in top bitch mode though, so he makes a quick exit for the pub. I appreciate that he knows when to give me space – he’s a wise fella.

Despite my mood this evening I can’t help but think how lucky I am to have found Jim. My marriage compared to my new relationship, is like night and day.

I thought my libido was dead as a dodo, but actually I was just with the wrong person. Finding a partner that I respect, who makes me feel fun and sexy, was all I needed to reignite my sex drive.

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