EastEnders legend Natalie Cassidy has opened up about learning to live with the sudden loss of her mum.
The Sonia Fowler actress has previously shared how her mum Evelyn died of bowel cancer at the age of 63 in 2002.
Speaking on her podcast, Natalie explained how she had felt guilty for not being there for her mum when she died.
‘I lost my mum when I was 19,’ she began.
‘It was a time where I was out and about, I’ve spoken about this on the pod before, but when you’re a late teenager you’re not really thinking about your mum unfortunately.
‘And I lost her quite suddenly and I’ve carried a lot of guilt really about the fact that I wasn’t there.’
She continued: ‘I wasn’t there for her and didn’t spend the time I should have with her, but my brothers always say they were the same at that age and they got to come back because they were older.
‘So I’ve kind of forgiven myself if you like, but the days for me don’t get any easier, you just learn to live with it.’
Natalie revealed earlier this year that she is set to leave her role as Sonia in the BBC soap after 32 years.
She explained that she was ‘ready for a change’ after playing the role for so long, and keen to try new things.
Sonia was at the centre of the recent EastEnders live episode, celebrating 40 years of the London-based soap, as she gave birth to daughter Julia while trapped in the Queen Vic.
This came after a dramatic storyline that saw her accused of a murder she didn’t commit, only to discover that the true culprit was partner Reiss Colwell.
Reiss was killed by a bathtub during the 40th anniversary celebrations, when a portion of the Vic collapsed on top of him.
In upcoming scenes, Sonia will attempt to support Stacey Slater (Lacey Turner) ahead of Martin Fowler’s funeral, but will she be able to get through to her?
