4 weeks agoNew York StateComments Off on My freeloading ex would stay out all night and we weren’t having sex but I really miss him – should I go back?
DEAR DEIDRE: I DUMPED my boyfriend after he kept letting me down, but I miss him so much. Should I call him?
He moved in with me after his mum kicked him out two years ago. He’s 29, smokes a lot and is a heavy drinker. However, he promised not to do these things in my house.
I’m 32 and barely touch booze after growing up with alcoholic parents. While emptying his gym bag to put a wash on one day, I found empty vodka bottles.
I confronted him and he said they were really old. But I know he had bought that bag weeks earlier.
The final straw was when he didn’t bother turning up to a half marathon I’d trained hard for.
Everyone from my running club had partners there. I felt so let down when he said he couldn’t afford the petrol.
I had looked forward to the day for months but, when it arrived, I couldn’t wait for it to be over.
He didn’t even ask how I got on.
We went shopping recently and he got cross because he couldn’t find what he wanted, so he took it out on me, shouting and yelling in the shop, saying I was embarrassing.
He went out with a mate and was gone all night and, when I asked where he’d been, he said he went back to a girl’s house as he “couldn’t get a taxi”.
He said he’d known her for years and they were “friends”, but I’d never even heard of her.
He had stopped contributing to our bills and we weren’t even having sex, so I ended it last week. He’s gone.
I’ve had two other failed relationships. One was with a narcissist and the other was physically abusive.
This guy was a big improvement by comparison. Was I too hasty to end things?
DEIDRE SAYS: No. Take some time out being single for a while. You’ll appreciate the peace it brings.
This man’s own mother threw him out for the same reason that you finished with him – he has no regard for anybody but himself.
A good relationship is about supporting one another. He was a no-show when you had something important going on, he has been abusive, he gaslights you and doesn’t pay his way.
Somebody who loved you wouldn’t want to hurt you and would support you. He is one of life’s freeloaders.
My support pack, Finding The Right Partner For You, will help you to see that it’s time to move on.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
FELLA’S BACK ON THE DRUGS AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH
DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though my boyfriend told me he has been clean for three years, I saw a crack pipe sticking out of his coat pocket.
He swore blind it wasn’t his.
We’ve got a toddler son and a baby boy and I don’t want them anywhere near this stuff, or near a father who is on drugs.
He lives with bipolar and I got used to his manic mood swings. He doesn’t work because he has regular episodes where he can’t get out of bed and I am officially his carer. But now, I can’t trust him.
We are both 32. He leaves the house for hours and our little boy gets upset if he’s not at home before he goes to bed.
Our toddler has started to wet the bed again and he is so unsettled.
My boyfriend’s benefit money seems to disappear. I don’t believe what he tells me. I’m convinced he’s back on crack. I don’t want this relationship any more.
DEIDRE SAYS: The trust is gone. Living with an addict is stressful. You are his carer but you care for him living with his condition, not his addiction.
Your children have no choice about who they live with, but you do. He has blown his chances of saving family life.
My support pack Ending A Relationship will help you to bring things to a close.
WIDOWED FRIEND IS TURNING TO DRINK
DEAR DEIDRE: MY best friend is a widower and he is really struggling to be a single parent to his daughter, who is 16 and seems out of control.
I’m worried for him because he seems to be going down a dark path. He really has lost his zest for life.
We have been friends for ten years, having met at work.
Although I no longer work with him, I know from former colleagues that he has been turning up late to the office, or not at all.
I’m 47 and he’s 45.
His wife had cancer and it’s been awful to watch him dealing with that.
We used to meet for a quiet pint on a Friday night, and still do, but now he just gets totally wasted.
He says his daughter has been suspended at school for bullying and she’s lazy and not helping him at home, even though he’s out at work.
He complains about her but I’m worried about him too – he’s so flat and seems to be on a spiral of self-destruction.
DEIDRE SAYS: Go to see him and explain how worried you are. He’s grieving of course, and so is his daughter. They’ve been through a very tough time.
Meeting you will be a good outlet for him to offload but maybe going out for a pizza or watching some sport would mean there’s less of a pull to drink.
He and his daughter can find six weeks of free bereavement counselling through Sue Ryder (sueryder.org, 0808 164 4572).
WIFE AND MUM AT LOGGERHEADS
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN it comes to my wife and my parents, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. They don’t get along.
We have two toddlers who are two-and-a-half and 18 months old and we live with my parents.
I met my wife on a work trip to Thailand. She is 29 and the most beautiful woman I have ever met.
I am 34 and I have never had a long-term relationship, but this woman fell for me and she moved to the UK to be with me five years ago.
We had our children in quick succession and we never had time to save for a deposit to buy a house.
My mother and my wife are both hot-headed and my wife bad-mouths my mother all the time.
She kicks off if I try to defend her. It’s awful. It’s driving a wedge between my wife and I and we’ve talked about separation. When my parents go on holiday, the house feels completely different.
Our children are attached to me, which is the reason we stay together. I have not been happy for three years and neither has my wife.
What can we do to work this out? I’m scared she will leave me and take our kids back to Thailand.
DEIDRE SAYS: Staying with parents when you have children or even just as a couple, can be fraught with difficulties.
If you can find a compromise where you draw up different times to use the kitchen for instance, it may help.
Living in a house of tension is very damaging for your children, so make a concerted effort to save some money so you can move out.
Perhaps your parents would stop your bed and board payments to help out so that you can get your own place.
You can find a safe way of resolving conflict through National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk, 0300 4000 636).
4 weeks agoNew York StateComments Off on I wish my elderly husband would die – then I wouldn’t have to sneak around for sex with toyboys
AT 53, Jane has recently discovered a new lust for life and sex – but just not with her 81-year-old husband.
Here, in a brutally honest account, she explains why she feels she can’t leave him and how she wishes he’d die so she would be free to pursue the passion she craves…
GettyJane recently signed up to an extra marital affairs website – and has so far had four flings (stock image)[/caption]
Glancing over at my 81-year-old husband John fast asleep on the sofa, TV remote still in hand, I sigh quietly and roll my eyes before settling down for a night of sexting my four younger lovers.
It’s John’s fault, he drove me to this, as he was the one who insisted we watch a dull history documentary together and promptly conked out snoring.
So while he sleeps, I have no choice but to browse an extra marital affairs website.
It’s something I’ve been doing since last January and so far I’ve messaged around 50 men. I’ve arranged meetings with 12 of them and I’ve had four fully-fledged lovers, all far younger than my husband.
I have no regrets, it’s exactly what I’ve needed while trapped in a deeply unhappy 23-year marriage.
One I met, who I nicknamed ‘The Toyboy’, was 46 – seven years younger than me.
If I’m completely honest my marriage was on the rocks for over a decade before I had my first affair, and – I’m ashamed to admit it – there have even been moments I wished my husband had died.
At least then I’d be free to find happiness with someone who cares about me and gives me the affection I crave, rather then having to sneak around.
Two years ago John had an attack of angina, initially thought to be a heart attack.
I couldn’t stop the thought popping into my head that maybe this was the release from my unhappy marriage.
I feel like a psychopath even confessing to that awful thought but I am so trapped and lonely in my marriage with a man who’s nearly 30 years older than I am.
And I love the feeling of potential when I meet a new man – hoping we’ll have the sexual chemistry and emotional connection that I crave, and have been deprived of for so long with my husband.
The truth is, my lovers are everything my husband isn’t – toned, energetic and full of desire – for me.
They appreciate me and want to talk to me. Stolen moments making love in hotel rooms make me feel life is worth living.
I do hate sneaking around and lying and people will question why I don’t just divorce. But I can’t – John is over 80, I can’t desert him now.
Jane didn’t realise when she married her older husband that she would essentially end up being his carer (stock image)Getty
He wouldn’t find anyone else, he barely goes out any more, and certainly not without me.
I feel more like his carer, and I know that it will only get worse as he ages. All he wants is a companion and someone to see him through the end of his days – for us, it is until death do us part.
I wish I hadn’t been paralysed with indecision and fear when our marriage started going wrong about 12 years ago.
Initially John, a former lawyer, swept me off my feet when we first met at a party over two decades ago.
He would take me to good restaurants and make me feel like I was the only woman in the room.
‘I was completely besotted’
I was 32, and he was nearly 60 but he was so full of life. He was incredibly good looking, quick witted, and fun. We both loved travelling and going to the gym.
We dated for two years, and married in an intimate registry office ceremony in 2002 followed with a party for 100 guests.
However, no one spelt out the obvious – that in 20 or so years time I’d be looking after him.
Even if they had, I would have ignored them – I was completely besotted.
Then the girls came along in 2006 and 2008 and we couldn’t spend as much time together.
The distance grew, and we stopped communicating. Then ten years ago we stopped having sex too.
Jane
While I was completely swept up with them and their lives, John became more distant.
Without nights out and luxurious holidays to locations like the Maldives I had to accept the reality – that we would never have much in common.
The distance grew, and we stopped communicating. Then ten years ago we stopped having sex too.
We had been going through the motions for five years before that, and although we still share the same bed we are like two strangers, not even sharing so much as a hug.
I tried to talk to him about it but he had no interest, and suggestions of counselling were dismissed.
‘It fills me with panic’
Had I left him back then in 2013 I know he’d have survived without me.
But I worried at the time about how I’d cope with two small children who were only six and four.
Now they’re 18 and 16 and on the cusp of leaving home and all I can see in the future is rattling round our house near Rugby, Warwickshire, with just me and John.
It fills me with panic.
When my panic first set in I didn’t look elsewhere – instead I poured my heart out to my girlfriends.
For years the lack of sex didn’t bother me – my libido had shrivelled away like John’s.
That was until 18 months ago when I started taking HRT for menopausal symptoms and it woke up with a vengeance.
Suddenly I wanted sex, but John wasn’t the man I wanted to have sex with.
Worried about your marriage?
If you're concerned your relationship could be heading towards a break-up, The Sun's agony aunt Sally Land shares her top tips to deal with difficult situations and conversations:
Lay your cards down: If you feel insecure about the future of your relationship – talk it through. Let your partner know how concerned you are. Work through what changes you both need to make to improve your connection. Avoid hurling insults and accusations in favour of discussing how you feel. Sometimes getting the gravity of the situation out in the open is the best way back to a well connected relationship.
Children pick up on tension: If your relationship is heading for the buffers make sure you’re not involving your kids in any fall out. It’s simply not fair to put them in the middle of your relationship issues. Instead, let them know you both love them and that while you are trying to sort things out between you, it has nothing to do with them. Your kids need stability so try and treat each other with dignity and respect.
Money matters: Apart from the emotional fall out, the financial implications of a break up can be life changing. So the more you can get on top of your finances, the smoother any transition will be. Start to understand your income sources, learn about any debts and liabilities and build a clear and accurate picture of your financial reality. This way you can start to budget for life after your break up. In the interim, set up your own bank account so that you can start to build an emergency fund. This nest egg should be enough to cover your expenses for at least three months while you settle into your new life. The Money Helper has plenty more advice and a free budget planner.
Know when to walk away: Not every couple should stay together. Sometimes a relationship is simply too miserable or has no realistic prospect of ever improving, and in this instance any children will grow up in a miserable home. We know unhappy home environments have a huge impact on their long term development. Breaking up is always difficult no matter what the circumstances, but sometimes it is the best outcome for everyone involved.
A problem shared: Whether you want to stay together, split up or aren’t sure on your next best steps, it can be hugely beneficial to talk to a relationship counsellor. People think therapists focus solely on keeping couples together but they can also guide them on how to split too. If your partner won’t attend with you, it is still worth working through your options and preparing with someone who is completely impartial. Tavistock Relationships provide reliable and affordable couples therapy.
Know your rights: Whether things are getting nasty or not, it’s crucial to make sure you are getting reliable legal advice, especially if you have jointly owned property, assets and dependent children. Citizens Advice is a good place to start or try The Rights Of Women.
If you are worried about anything you can email Sally’s team of counsellors for a free and personalised answer. Email [email protected]
That’s why in January last year I decided to look for a lover, signing up to Illicit Encounters, an extra marital affairs website. Since then I’ve had four.
The first one was amazing, he was The Toyboy.
He had a gorgeous physique, the sex was sensational and no position was off limits. He loved me taking the lead, we connected too, and then we fell in love.
I wish I was free to explore proper relationships, rather than sneaking about having illicit ones.
Jane
But it fizzled away – his children were younger than mine, and between them and his job he found it hard to find time for me. I was devastated.
Then in October I met another man who I still see now. We have fun in bed and he lives very near me, so it’s convenient.
But while he does make me laugh, there isn’t the emotional connection that I need so I’ll probably end it soon.
The two other men are a year or so older than I am – but both very fit.
One of them I like enormously, but he’s away a lot for work and pleasure so we’ve only met twice since Christmas.
The other one will remain a one-off.
We met in a hotel room, but he was a terrible kisser.
I should have remembered my rule from my 20s that if a man can’t turn you on through kissing, the sex will be bad too.
So now I’m still looking – my sex drive is insatiable and I can’t stop.
While she’s found the attention and passion she craves elsewhere, Jane hates having to sneak around (stock image)Getty
‘I don’t like sneaking around’
I’m happier than I have been in years but I wish I was free to explore proper relationships, rather than sneaking about having illicit ones.
I feel guilty for the wives of the men I’m having sex with.
And though I don’t feel guilty about my husband as I did all I could to make the marriage work before I turned to affairs, I find it hard logistically and I don’t like sneaking around.
I crave a full relationship, someone not only to have sex with but a man who I can snuggle up on the sofa to watch telly with – a man who wants much more than a history documentary.
And the only way that can happen – if I am being brutally honest – is if my husband dies.
All names have been changed
GettySex with her toyboy lover gives Jane the passion and excitement she desires (stock image)[/caption]
4 weeks agoNew York StateComments Off on I love my kids LESS now they are teenagers – I’m tired of the way they treat me and they push me to breaking point daily
FROM eye rolls to the silent treatment, navigating kids’ teenage years can be hell for parents. But would you confess to loving them less than you once did?
Mum-of-three Clare O’Reilly, 45, who is married to writer Jon, 53, and lives in Plymouth is conflicted…
Mum-of-three Clare O’Reilly reveals how she’s navigating her kids’ difficult teenage yearsLorna RoachClare with her children Sammy, 16, Annie, 14, and Eddie, 21
WHEN my 14-year-old daughter, Annie, told me last week that I gave her the “ick”, I rightly guessed it wasn’t a compliment.
Closing her bedroom door, I reached for my phone and Googled the definition: “Causing someone to suddenly feel a strong sense of disgust or repulsion towards you, often due to a specific behaviour or trait.” Ouch.
The action that had triggered such indignation? Asking if she wanted to join me and our three dogs for a walk.
While I should have just got the fresh air and calm I very much needed, I flung open her door and reminded her she once loved me so much she’d follow me to the toilet.
She barely looked up from her phone, but I definitely spotted an eye roll as I closed her door and headed out into the elements with my dogs Huck, Bluebell and Luna, who still love me unconditionally.
Despite the combined 68 hours I spent in labour, becoming a mother was the best thing I ever did – until now.
I miss the days of my kids’ unwavering love, but more than that, I miss when they were easy to love.
That golden era of cuddles and dreamy-eyed looks as they fell asleep in my arms – now replaced by sassiness, eye rolls and sarcastic comments.
Multiple studies have found the hardest age to parent is 15 years old and with a child on either side of that magic number, I wholly agree.
I know from friends I’m not alone, either.
Our teenagers seem to push us to breaking point almost daily, which makes it hard to love them like I did when they were easier and adored me – rather than cringing at my very presence.
Put simply, I honestly wonder whether I love them as much in their teen incarnations as I did when their little hands fitted into mine and I was the centre of their universe.
Annie insists on being dropped at least a hundred metres from where she’s meeting her friends, while my middle son, Sammy, 16, informed me last week that the Instagram reels I send him are “cringe” and can I stop in case someone on the school bus sees them.
Lego kisses
This from the boy who – at four years old – made me a whole box of Lego kisses because I was his favourite thing in the world.
I tell myself I am their boxing ring. They can push on the ropes of me as much as they want because they know I’ll love them no matter what.
But deep down I’d be lying if I said my love for them hasn’t changed since they were tiny.
While I’m undeniably proud of them, I long for the days where we bonded with cuddles, raspberries blown on little fat bellies and shared jelly and ice cream.
My love for them was limitless until I started annoying them
Clare O’Reilly
My infinite patience taught them to ride bikes, tie their shoelaces, say their pleases and thank yous. No parenting task was too much.
My love for them was limitless until I started annoying them – despite my behaviour not changing at all.
My eldest son Eddie, now 21, was the same as his younger siblings during his teenage years and it turns out I’m not alone in feeling like I was scraped off my progeny’s shoes at times.
The star, 55, admitted last month that her “heart hurts” over the fact that her twins Max and Emme, 16, want little to do with her.
How I empathise with her.
By the age of 12, Annie had gone from wanting to hang out with me to telling me I wanted too many hugs and was embarrassing her when her friends came over.
I started feeling like she was the cool girl at school and that I was my goofy, nerdy teen self again. I’d pluck up the courage to knock on her bedroom door to see if she wanted to watch a movie on a Friday night, nervously stumbling over my words.
I’d then feel dejected when she said she was busy.
Clare’s eldest son Eddie, 21, was the same as his siblings during his teenage yearsThe 45-year-old says daughter Annie often wants to be dropped 100m from where she’s meeting friends
I love all three of my kids equally, but I find myself feeling increasingly sick and tired of the way they treat me.
It is impossible to love them as unconditionally as I did when they were tiny.
However, child psychologist Catherine Hallissey says the teen years are a much-needed developmental phase – and one I shouldn’t be too hard on.
“As a parent, these years are simply about navigating the changing relationship,” she explains.
“Their developmental task is to individuate from their family, to begin to discover who they really are, separate from you. They’re biologically driven to push away because it prepares them for leaving the nest.
“If you take their comments and eye rolls at face value, it will really negatively impact your relationship.”
Shouldn’t I love them unconditionally, regardless of how they treat me? Parental love surely shouldn’t rely on reciprocation?
I hate feeling so negative towards the human beings I birthed and it’s hard not to berate myself for feeling like I do.
Was my parenting love for them only based on their unconditional love for me? Did I only love them when they were little because they thought the sun rose and set with me?
Shouldn’t I love them unconditionally, regardless of how they treat me? Parental love surely shouldn’t rely on reciprocation?
These are the questions I ask myself repetitively as I try to walk the line between loving them, but liking them less than I ever have.
Catherine says: “What’s really important is that we give feedback constructively.
“So, if you are coming from a place of hurt, your feedback is likely to be more emotional, whereas if you’re coming from a steady, sturdy place, you’ll see that this is a phase.
“You can say things like: ‘Did you mean to come across that way? Can you think of another way to say it?’
“That’s one bit of corrective feedback. Or: ‘Is this something you want me to stop doing? Let me know.’
“The relationship is on us as parents, though. It’s not up to a child to work for a parent’s relationship. Give feedback in a way that’s both firm and kind together.”
I’ve got eight more years combined of Annie and Sammy both being teenagers before they emerge into adulthood like my eldest, Eddie, did.
He and I are close now and he lets me hug him again, after rejecting me when he was his siblings’ age. We cook together and play cards and watch movies and it’s the hope they’ll return to me that gives me faith I won’t always feel like this about them.
I’ll have parented teenagers for 18 years by the time Annie turns 20 in 2031. The years of them being limpets will have long passed. I’ll have back the personal space I yearned for when they sat watching me on the toilet.
While I really don’t like them much right now, I’ll hold onto the thought that the love we share runs underneath the rude and snarky comments that float on the surface.
And I’ll cling to the thought that, one day, I won’t give them the “ick”.
4 weeks agoNew York StateComments Off on Fury quitting could KO Anthony Joshua’s career too – so what’s next for the man who made heavyweight boxing great again?
ANTHONY JOSHUA’S hard-earned bon voyage to boxing being snatched away by Tyson Fury’s latest retirement feels like the most unsatisfying ending to a glorious sporting story.
Joshua’s emergence and domination helped make heavyweight boxing great againPABut Fury’s decision to quit may have robbed AJ of his dream curtain call – and denied fans the chance to see the biggest fight in British history[/caption]
Instagram / @anthonyjoshuaIs it time for AJ to hang up his gloves too and enjoy a well-earned retirement?[/caption]
The decision won’t do Fury’s resume any harm. He got to Wladimir Klitschko 18 months before Joshua and he got to Deontay Wilder on three brilliant occasions, compared to AJ’s zero.
After 15 years of heavyweight magnificence, it seems criminal that Joshua fans must now settle for a slugfest with Wilder diehards over who was the third best big man of their era.
Especially when it seemed set in stone that Joshua and Fury would finally meet, over two stupendously-rich fights in Riyadh and London, and leave nobody in any doubt who the best Brit giant is since Lennox Lewis.
Both men need redemption, both giants want to be big again after little Usyk belittled their size and abilities with four masterful performances and zero trash talk.
If Fury has – and we are not buying it – walked away from the sport, and the £500million two-fight deal, then it leaves Our AJ with a problem.
Joshua missed the Wilder boat and he was sunk by Usyk’s genius.
Fury was his chance to get up back to the surface for air and potentially sail off into the sunset.
He once told us that – in the middle of his bad boy days when he was saved from a serious stretch inside – he chose to treat his boxing career like a prison sentence.
He was going to eat, sleep, train and fight when and where he was told to.
He was going to lose, sacrifice and yearn for the things that normal people take for granted.
So that when he finished his time, he could become a free man and reap the rewards of his gruelling solitude at the deep end of the hardest sport.
After a couple of failed appearances at the parole board, a possible legacy-defining win over Fury looked like his last real crack at a decent farewell strategy.
But if Fury has beaten him to the exit and vanished with an earlier and more respected Klitschko win – plus the three sensational Wilder bouts – then he can lay claim to being the finest British heavyweight of his era, the UK’s greatest since Lewis.
Or does he hang his gloves up too and go out on the back of a savage knockout that might itself end up cruelly defining a life and career worthy of so much more respect?
We shall wait and see.
PAJoshua, seen celebrating with his 2012 gold medal, has done his country proud[/caption]
He became heavyweight champ in 2016 when he beat Charles MartinNews Group Newspapers LtdGettyHis clash with Klitschko in 2017 was named Fight of the Year and saw AJ add to his collection of world title belts[/caption]
Joshua has paid his dues and served his time to King and country.
He deserves to walk out on his terms, to a roaring crowd that appreciates him and his underdog achievements.
But while it has been an honour to cover his many high and lows in the ring, the finest story Fleet Street has on Anthony Joshua is one we can never write.
It’s not a scandal or a cover-up or wrapped up in a non-disclosure agreement.
It’s an act of utterly selfless kindness that he only agreed to do if we didn’t use it to flog a few more papers.
With his exploits with the gloves on – his 2011 World Championships silver in Baku, London 2012 gold and two title reigns – he has got us jobs, earned us pay rises, helped us get mortgages and raise our children.
But the handful of hacks who traipse around the country – and in and out of Saudi – won’t print the moment away from the ropes that endeared him to us forever.
Because he asked us to.
Robbing AJ of that final fight will be a stroke of evil genius from the mind-games master
In a sport utterly built on hype and blags and bulls**t, he swore to secrecy the very people who could best celebrate his kindest deed.
It’s what has always made it hard to report on his failings in the ring – but also why we will never let anyone question the integrity of the man away from it.
It’s why most of us, like his legions of fans around the world, will feel gutted if the overdue Fury fight – after years of Gypsy-King torment and the savage September Dubois knockout – doesn’t materialise.
For Team Fury, robbing AJ of that one huge final fight – one that made him break with protocol and admit publicly how much he needs it – will be a stroke of evil genius from the mind-games master.
But it will leave Joshua trapped between a rock and a hard punch, having to choose between a couple of underwhelming opponents he would be expected to beat, like Joe Joyce or Lawrence Okolie.
GettyThe shock loss to Dubois has left AJ at an unexpected crossroads[/caption]
GettyFellow Brit Moses Itauma is tearing through the heavyweight division and could be a possible opponent for AJ[/caption]
GettyFabio Wardley, left, might also relish a chance to test himself against AJ if he sticks around[/caption]
With a personal fortune the Sunday Times Rich List rates at a very modest £200million, mega-money sponsorship deals with Hugo boss, Lucozade, UnderArmour and Range Rover, and a property portfolio that boasts flagship buildings in Mayfair and Bond Street, AJ has it all sewn up.
Every major British broadcaster would bend over backwards to make him their star sports pundit or presenter and Sylvester Stallone would be wise to offer him a Rocky or Expendables script.
But it seems much more likely that Joshua would prefer to vanish from the spotlight, help run the brilliant Finchley ABC gym with his mentor Sean Murphy and continue trying to discreetly support the amateur code of the sport that turned his life around.
He may enjoy more of his Dubai holidays that he has enjoyed post-fight and offer him the sort of privacy he cannot get anywhere else.
The most nourishing break we have seen him appear to take has been the most recent one to Nigeria where he mixed with locals, met presidents, trained kids, and reconnected with the home his parents left for the UK, and an unscheduled retirement may allow him to spend more time there.
But whether this boxing crossroads leads him to hang up his gloves and become the first black James Bond who rules Hollywood – or he slips out of the spotlight and reinvests his fortune and experience and knowledge into grassroots boxing – bowing out flat on his face after a brutal loss to Dubois will feel like the cruellest end to a career that changed the nation.
Not catching Wilder at his peak looks like a catastrophic clanger
And fans will be left wondering how – after the London 2012 legend successfully rebuilt after heartbreaking defeats to Andy Ruiz Jr and Usyk – the golden-brick road led to a such a dramatic drop-off.
That’s not to say everything AJ has touched up to this point has turned to gold.
But whatever setbacks he has faced, he’s always seemed to find a way back.
After success-after-masterstoke-after-windfall, Team Joshua made their first big mistake when they failed to make the undisputed Deontay Wilder fight over an 18-month period.
AJ had wiped out Charles Martin for the IBF crown in 2016, became a sensation and added the WBA strap with the 2017 Wladimir Klitschko Wembley win and sealed the crucial third WBO belt with a cautious points win over Joseph Parker in 2018.
All the while, Tyson Fury had been floored by a doping charge and a breakdown.
And over in America and on a much smaller scale, Deontay Wilder was obliterating far lesser opponents.
But when crunch time came, and hung around, Team Joshua infuriatingly failed to do a deal with the Bronze Bomber.
And by December 2018 a resurgent Fury slipped in to face the Alabama slammer and reestablished himself as a major player with the iconic 12th round performance and thoroughly decent way he accepted a harsh draw.
It looked like a poor AJBoxing decision then.
And – following the two pastings Fury dished out to the American KO king to complete the trilogy and his dismal showings against Joseph Parker and Zhilei Zhang – not catching Wilder at his ‘peak’ now looks more like a catastrophic clanger.
More was to follow too.
The decision to draft in Andy Ruiz Jr at late notice for AJ’s Madison Square Garden debut in 2019 went disastrously wrongGetty Images - GettyAPFury got the better of Wilder in one of boxing’s all-time great trilogies – while AJ never tied down a deal to fight the Bronze Bomber[/caption]
Getty - ContributorFury also got to Klitschko before AJ which could be used in the battle for bragging rights[/caption]
Six months after Fury’s freakish courage and confidence against Wilder made him a household hero again, the business brains behind AJ’s own bravery and skill blew his career horrifically off course.
After months of training to rematch 6ft 4in Dillian Whyte in April, then 6ft 6in MMA trash talker Jarrell Miller at the start of June, the shameless American drug cheat was caught waddling round with Chernobyl levels of toxicity coursing through his clogged arteries.
Desperate to keep their star attraction’s US debut on, AJ’s promoter Hearn and new broadcasters DAZN spent a week looking for a replacement and finally settled on a total outlier and underdog in Ruiz Jr.
The unknown chubster’s only selling point was that he was Mexican and that would help the upstart streaming app – that had just handed AJ a £100million deal – navigate a perfect way into the lucrative South American and US markets.
It didn’t matter that it was deemed a mismatch of Adonis vs a donut, it didn’t matter that Ruiz was only 5ft 11in, it didn’t matter that he had boxed six weeks earlier.
Thankfully Ruiz’s appetite for fast food outweighed his desire to cling on to the WBA, IBF and WBO crowns
It mattered that the suits behind AJ had found a lamb for their cash cow to supposedly slaughter.
AJ’s modest Birmingham coach Rob McCracken loathes interviews and wouldn’t let SunSport anywhere near him at the time.
Thankfully the brilliant boxing writer Ron Lewis – a much-missed class act McCracken trusted – was there and paved the way for a chat.
McCracken confirmed our fears that such a drastic change of opponent – at such late notice – was seriously dangerous.
He knew that Ruiz Jr was a live dog in the fight and had been very unlucky not to beat Parker in his New Zealand backyard in 2016.
He also knew AJ had been struggling with a medical problem that – to his and his team’s eternal credit – has remained top-secret to this day.
We spotted, on his Monday arrival, a stye infection around his eye that hints at a struggling immune system.
And on his walk to the ring he was chewing nervously before getting a relaxing massage in his corner – moments before the bell – when he needed the total opposite in red-hot stimulation.
In the aftermath these alarm bells rang loud and clear but McCracken’s and our concerns would have been cooled by the first two Madison Square Garden rounds and the textbook knockdown his star student landed early in the third.
But moments later, after curvy Ruiz Jr had bounced back up and clipped AJ around the temple, his perfect world started to unravel.
Thankfully for Joshua’s rebuild and rematch, Ruiz Jr’s appetite for fast food and long parties outweighed his desire to cling on to the WBA, IBF and WBO crowns.
And when he rolled into the desert re-run at 20st months later, Joshua jabbed and jigged back to prominence.
Paul EdwardsAJ has built up a huge property portfolio, including this £20m site in London’s New Bond Street[/caption]
AJ also bought the HQ of oil giant BP for £30mAlamyJoshua has landed some huge sponsorship deals, including with Hugo Boss[/caption]
GettyJoshua, seen here with Jamie Oliver, is also signed up to Land Rover[/caption]
PAThe former champ’s commercial partners include Lucozade and Under Armour[/caption]
Sadly the damage to the McCracken relationship was done and their classy decade-long partnership unraveled.
The same man he revered and hailed as ‘The General’ and his very own Sir Alex Ferguson was marginalized and finally ousted.
Fury’s lost years were between 2015 and 2018 when he failed a drugs test for nandrolone, went into the magnificent Klitschko win knowing his career was in freefall and then battled drink, drug, obesity and mental health problems.
But Joshua wasted prime years of his career – between 2019 and 2022 – searching for improvement in all the wrong places, without a reliable boxing man in his corner to be the rudder for the ship.
It’s massively commendable that he has promoted childhood friends to positions of power within his organisation and technical team.
But when he chose an unproven trainer to help transform him from a 18st knockout artist to a stick-and-move stylist, somebody truly close to him should have spoken up.
If Erling Haaland decided he was going to headhunt a pub-league coach to turn him into a left back, we reckon Pep Guardiola or dad Alf-Inge would step in and stop the disaster.
The Dubois build-up was a horrific logistical failure by a team who had one job
Instead Team Joshua stocked up on sunglasses and cigars and enjoyed the private jets as Angel Fernandez, Joby Clayton, Robert Garcia and Derrick James came in and went out.
In that time Usyk had snatched away all his belts over two fights and lowkey comeback wins over Jermaine Franklin and Robert Helenius had drawn low attendances and ungrateful boos from Wembley arena.
It felt hard to criticise.
Fighters are the bravest people in sport and, in almost every interview, we try to dig into their past and their darkness, while Premier League footballers get softballs about their transfer plans, boots deals or secret mistresses.
So after that second loss in Saudi, when he broke down in tears and said he felt guilty for letting us – the United Kingdom – down, it was painful.
But he has proven time and again he will only stop on his terms, and to see him happy under trainer Ben Davison and knocking people like Otto Wallin and Francis Ngannou out with throwback performances has been great.
And although his media commitments are rare and rushed and shorter with every fight, he is yet to give us the sort of cold and empty interviews we usually expect.
Joshua will recount to us his bricklaying days, the charge for cannabis possession, the brief time on remand at Reading prison, we even get the odd mention of son JJ who prefers scrambler motorbikes to boxing.
AJ gave us gold before the Daniel Dubois fight about a recent row down a Watford pub where a young lad disrespected him and – rather than slip out the backdoor to avoid confrontation – he fronted up to the yob who understandably lost his bottle.
Things seemed to be going so well – right up until that Dubois bout.
But unlike the Ruiz stunner, the warning signs, like the fighter, arrived way too late.
Unforgivably, AJ turned up for his IBF world title shot at a packed out Wembley stadium at about the same time chief support Liam Gallagher did, about an hour before the first bell.
It was a horrific logistical failure for a team that had one job.
And when Dubois almost decapitated him in the very opening round, those traffic excuses were not going to be enough to absolve the team of blame, as another rebuild ensued.
Then, once Fury failed in his second attempt to beat Usyk, it seemed AJ had the ideal shot at redemption and revenge on a plate, against the perfect dance partner.
Filterless Fury – whether due to his Traveller showmanship, bi-polar disorder or attention-begging dad – has always shown a desire to be loved and a willingness to share.
Barring a couple of unscheduled and unscripted moments, AJ has remained uber-private and ice cool.
Joshua funds and supports the Clean Herts Programme to help struggling kids around his home but his team politely rejects media approaches to cover events.
Perhaps AJ is paying the price for being too planned and polished.
In lockdown he came into the Sun office and worked on a campaign highlighting the magnificent work our NHS was doing.
Fury opened his Instagram and home up to us and did a daily workout with the nation.
Occasionally a child would run in causing beautiful chaos or Fury and childhood sweetheart Paris would embrace.
It endeared the Fury family to the country, at a time of national crisis, and probably paved the way for the ITV docs, best selling books and Netflix series that followed.
A PR executive ensconced in elite sport and showbiz once pestered me for the name of Fury’s big-money social media svengali.
Like most of his contemporaries, was he paying a fortune to Freuds or Saatchi & Saatchi?
The truth is he wasn’t giving a penny to Pinky & Perky.
Fury and his band of brothers, friends, coaches and training partners do their shtick on a whim.
But neither Fury or AJ needed a marketing campaign planned in a Soho vegan pet shop to sell their fight.
It was box-office gold and we were champing at the bit to pack Wembley out and watch the desert version on Sky, DAZN and TNT at any price they wanted to set.
We want to see AJ go out at the top, on the crest of a wave, not on his shield.
Fury’s decision to quit has denied us fans the exit we wanted, and more importantly for AJ, the Hollywood farewell he deserves.
GQ / Matthew BrookeAJ’s shrewd business brain has helped him amass a fortune of around £200m[/caption]
GettyAJ and Eddie Hearn have some big decisions to make[/caption]
@anthonyjoshuaNo one could begrudge the former heavyweight king if he decided to sail off into the sunset[/caption]
Mark RobinsonOr perhaps he will go back to where it all began, at Finchley ABC gym[/caption]
4 weeks agoNew York StateComments Off on I’m A Celebrity star rushed to hospital for emergency surgery and cancels work
A FEISTY I’m A Celebrity star has cancelled all work commitments after being rushed into hospital for emergency surgery.
The 2009 ITV show contestant has been flooded with well-wishes after informing fans she was “unable to record further videos” until at least March.
An I’m A Celebrity star has scrapped all work commitments after being rushed into hospital for surgeryKim Woodburn, 82, will be off-screen for the next few weeksRexInstagramThe TV legend told how she is having eye surgery in a short message on Instagram[/caption]
In a simple Instagram post, she uploaded an image of a sheet of paper which was typed with the words: “We regret to tell you that Kim is unable to record further videos until Friday 7th March.”
In her caption, Kim then clarified: “Due to surgery to eye.”
The TV star – who found fame on series How Clean Is Your House? – often uploads clips to her Instagram page for fans.
She also offers personal video greetings to her loyal followers for £25 a pop, after also selling clips on the Cameo platform.
Recently, she was seen sitting on her sofa as she issued a Valentine’s message – before revealing the next would drop on February 21.
Fans were quick to react to Kim’s health reveal post.
One wrote of the star – who dubs herself “the original cleaning queen” on her page – “Get well soon Kim we love you.”
A second put: “Get well soon my love wishing you a speedy recovery sending you lots of love xxxx”
A third then wrote: “Get well soon, Kim. Sending love.”
Another then added: “Hope you’re ok dear Kim. Wishing you a speedy recovery xxx”
Back in 2011, the Celebrity Big Brother star told how she came clean about her blindness, after noticing she was starting to squint in her late teens.
She has virtually no sight in her right eye and restricted sight in her left.
The former clothing catalogue model previously said: “If you watch me carefully you will see I never stare at people and I blink a lot.
I'm A Celebrity - All The Winners
Here's every star who has been crowned King or Queen of the Jungle to date:
2024: Danny Jones, McFly star
2023: Sam Thompson, Made in Chelsea star
2022: Jill Scott, England footballer
2021: Danny Miller, Emmerdale star
2020: Giovanna Fletcher, actress and podcaster
2019: Jacqueline Jossa, EastEnders star
2018: Harry Redknapp, England legend
2017: Georgia Toffolo, Made In Chelsea star
2016: Scarlett Moffatt, Gogglebox star
2015: Vicky Pattison, Geordie Shore star
2014: Carl Fogarty, famed racer
2013: Kian Egan, Westlife star
2012: Charlie Brooks, EastEnders actor
2011: Dougie Poynter, McFly star
2010: Stacey Solomon, X Factor star now TV personality
2009: Gino D’ACampo, TV Chef
2008: Joe Swash, TV personality
2007: Christopher Biggins, actor
2006: Matt Willis, Busted star
2005: Carol Thatcher, author and broadcaster
2004 (second series): Joe Pasquale, comedian
2004: Kerry Katona, Atomic Kitten star and reality star
2003: Phil Tufnell, England Cricketer
2002: Tony Blackburn, Radio DJ
There was also an All Star series in South Africa in 2023, which was won by Myleene Klass.
“If I do have to see something across the room I swivel my entire body around and look from my good eye.”
She added: “I was born with little or no sight in my right eye and not great sight in my left eye.”
CLAP BACK
Recently, Kim re-visited her time in the I’m A Celeb jungle, and branded chef Gino a “pig” following the This Morning star’s recent scandal.
She became the first named person to speak out about the Italian as ITV pulled re-runs of his shows amid accusations ofsexually inappropriate behaviour.
Runner-up to jungle king Gino in 2009, she said he made her feel uncomfortable during the series by stroking his privates over his shorts — and even talking to it.
She also alleged he cheated in a Bushtucker trial, swore at crew and was escorted off set.
ITV hid his behaviour and gave him a “great edit”, she claimed.
Kim said: “He was a horrible, vile man. A full-of-himself little pig.”
ITV News said it had uncovered damning allegations of inappropriate and intimidating behaviour againstGino, 48.
He denies any wrongdoing.
Kim, who brands herself ‘the original cleaning queen’, has previously spoken out about her sightRexShutterstock EditorialShe recently branded I’m A Celeb campmate Gino D’Acampo a ‘pig’[/caption]
GettyKim’s fans were quick to wish her well amid her op[/caption]
4 weeks agoNew York StateComments Off on Mum of dance-loving girl, 9, killed in Southport attack speaks out for the first time
Alice da Silva Aguiar was killed alongside Elsie Dot Stancombe, seven, and six-year-old Bebe King at a Taylor Swift-themed dance class on July 29 last year.