WELL Ruben Amorim wasn’t far wrong when he described his team as ‘probably the worst Manchester United team in history’.
They are certainly the worst of the Premier League era, after defeat in ‘Hell Clasico’ plunged them into the bottom six of the table for the first time at any advanced stage of a season.
This was the first time this competition has seen two of its biggest clubs meeting with both in the bottom half during the second half of a campaign.
And it lived down to expectations – with James Maddison’s early tap-in settling a terrible match between two sides who did little to disguise their harrowing lack of confidence.
For Spurs, it was a second straight league win – although they have been dumped out of both domestic cups since they beat Brentford last time out.
Ange Postecoglou’s prospects are looking a little brighter thanks to the return of Maddison and keeper Guglielmo Vicario, who made several decent saves.
But United, in an injury crisis of their own, continue to flounder – now plummeting to new depths in the modern era.
With Vicario and Maddison back in the starting line-up, while Brennan Johnson and Destiny Udogie were fit enough for places on the bench, Spurs were in the novel position of facing a side more depleted than themselves.
While Postecoglou was without six senior players, Amorim was missing a dozen – Amad Diallo and Kobbie Mainoo the latest casualties.
It meant that eight of United’s nine subs were teenagers who had never previously played for the first team.
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Both Vicario and Maddison were straight at it.
Tottenham’s keeper pulled off two decent stops in quick succession to deny Rasmus Hojlund and Alejandro Garnacho before Diogo Dalot had a follow-up effort hacked clear by Ben Davies.
Then Maddison, who’d already lost possession with two back-heels, opened the scoring.
A Son Heung-Min shot was blocked as far as Lucas Bergvall, whose drive was pushed out by Andre Onana for the Spurs playmaker to tap in.
United’s keeper will feel he should have held Bergvall’s effort but Maddison didn’t care, throwing darts and telling people to shush. Don’t mention the league table, kind of thing.
While United were doing much of the attacking, they kept embarrassing themselves.
At one point, Casemiro simply fell over in the centre circle and started pleading to the referee, like an upturned pensioner in the street.
Then Garnacho, fed by Bruno Fernandes, without a Spurs defender in the same postcode, inexplicably propelled his shot into Row Z.
Mathys Tel, who looks very promising, had a shot smartly saved by Onana.
For a while, it descended into the funereal sort of occasion we’d imagined. Casemiro was booked for lacking pace maiming Son. Perhaps the Brazilian could tootle around midfield in a mobility buggy.
“We are the pride of Europe,” sang United’s fans – their exact levels of irony difficult to gauge from the press box.
After the break, Djed Spence darted down the left and centred low but Tel made a hash of his shot.
But United were still on top, Garnacho twice forcing fine saves from Vicario.
Maddison was withdrawn on 63 minutes, having improved Spurs significantly, and was replaced by Pape Matar Sarr as Johnson arrived for his return from injury.
Then, from a Noussair Mazraoui centre, Zirkzee missed a sitter of a header.
Amorim was picked out by TV cameras staring lengthily at the ground, pondering his life choices.
Casemiro had another fall, this time in the Spurs box, but again ref Peter Bankes refused to play the good Samaritan.
Kulusevski shot too close to Onana when he ought to have put the game to bed.
Bentancur was withdrawn and spotted on the bench with an ice pack on his knee – the latest in a long running sick joke being played out against Postecoglou this season.
An unmarked Zirkzee completely missed an attempt at a volley – the Dutchman left looking as if he was playing in clown shoes.
