IF a Greek Cypriot dancer ever says he’s lost his glasses, there’s a good chance they’ll be on his head.
No, not his specs, silly — wine glasses, that vital part of traditional entertainment in a Cyprus hotel.
Our dancer had TEN of them on his bonce, one on top of the other, plus a bottle of wine on top of all that for good measure.
This astonishing mix of balancing act and Zorba-style dancing was the highlight of Greek Cypriot Night at the Asimina Suites Hotel in Paphos.
The diners in the restaurant, mainly Brits, loved the show.
Still, someone at the next table to us was a bit grudging with the applause, saying in a loud whisper: “Ten? I mean, OK, but isn’t the world record 300?”
Well you try it, mate! Honestly, there’s no pleasing some people.
But there is no doubt that from food to facilities and from entertainment to location, the adults-only Asimina pretty much pleases everyone.
This friendly 5H hotel, where we stayed last October, is a hit with Brits all year round and you can see why.
Owners the Constantinou Brothers promise a traditional Greek Cypriot welcome and they are as good as their word.
This is service with a genuine smile as attentive staff keep asking if you need another drink or more food.
And the location! The Asimina is in a sedate spot on the Paphos seafront with its own private section of sandy beach.
Hire a cabana for a bit extra and laze right by the water’s edge or lie on a sunbed under the palm trees on the hotel’s huge front lawn, an exhausting 20 paces from the sea.
If you prefer the pool there are two outdoor and some of the suites even have their own private ones with wooden decks.
But back to dinner. The food at the Asimina’s four restaurants may be its crowning glory.
There are local delicacies, themed nights with international cuisine and plenty of straightforward grub to keep fussy Brits happy.
It was all superb, wonderfully presented and with loads of choice.
Like many holidaymakers, we often get sucked into the fly and flop of staying in a brilliant hotel and never leaving until it’s time to go home.
But a half-hour stroll along the coastal path will take you to Paphos port with its lively bars and restaurants.
Best of all you can visit Paphos Archaeological Park, one of the most important digs in Cyprus and a UNESCO World Heritage Site.
It contains the remains of four Roman villas with incredibly well preserved mosaic floors.
Perhaps the most impressive is the Grand House of Dionysus, named after the Greek god of wine, showing scenes of partying and hunting.
Next door is the Tomb Of The Kings, which is like something out of Indiana Jones.
It’s a 2,000-year-old maze of underground burial chambers that’s utterly fascinating, even though no kings ever ended up being laid to rest there.
It is worth venturing into Paphos town, too, even though one regular at the Asimina complained that endless building over the last few years had ruined its charm.
It’s a bit of a hike from the hotel so get the bus or a cab, or hire a car.
Don’t worry about the latter. This is Cyprus not Greece. Everyone drives on the left and even the cabbies obey the speed limit.
It’s things like that, along with 300 days of glorious sunshine a year and no real language barrier (and even the fact Cyprus uses the UK three-pin plug!), that make the island so popular with us Brits.
Anyway, Paphos’s bars and boutiques are worth checking out but make sure you eat at the fantastic Agora Tavern, a family-owned place on a hill overlooking the sea.
There are just two things on the menu, the small meze and the large one. Choose your size and enjoy this fabulous array of local delicacies all chosen for you.
You might think that staying at the Asimina is more than enough for a holiday.
But travel companies have this theory. How much better would your stay in Cyprus be if you stayed in TWO brilliant hotels?
Rock star
Which is how we found ourselves on the other side of Paphos at the Cap St Georges Hotel & Resort at Peyia.
The Cap St Georges is seriously upmarket, a huge campus offering suites with private pools, villas, several private beaches and the kind of personal attention that makes you feel like a rock star.
It’s such a big deal that the England football team have stayed here and one of the villas is owned by the pop star Shakira (we didn’t see her).
It’s set on a series of cliff tops that look like slices of tiramisu above tiny coves offering warm, clear waters to swim in.
There’s loads to do at the Cap St Georges from wine tours, water sports and private yacht trips to horse riding and halloumi-making.
Like the Asimina, the food is the big selling point.
There are four restaurants for dinner, serving Italian, Asian and sushi, fine dining and more.
Our favourite was the Kohili, offering local cuisine in a stunning setting by the beach.
Needless to say, all this ain’t cheap but for that special celebration, the Cap St Georges is hard to beat.
Oh, and while you are in Paphos, visit the beach where Aphrodite, the goddess of love, was born. It’s just down the coast from the Asimina.
Call me unromantic if you like, but Dionysus is more my kind of god.
He loved wine, good food and a bit of a party.
What’s not to like?
GO: PAPHOS
GETTING/STAYING THERE: Seven nights’ half-board with four nights at the 5H Constantinou Bros Asimina Suites and three nights at the 5H Cap St Georges Hotel & Resort is from £1,992pp including flights from Gatwick, transfers and baggage.
Based on October departures.
See olympicholidays.com or call 0208 492 6868.
