LADIES, we’ve all been there.
A friend is going through a messy relationship break-up and – several Proseccos in – spills all about her former man’s poor performance in the bedroom.
It’s bitchy, hilarious and cathartic. But crucially, it’s between mates. And it goes no further.
Not, that is, unless you’re Lily Allen.
Late last year, the 39-year-old singer split from her husband, Stranger Things star David Harbour, after she apparently discovered his profile on the elite celebrity dating app Raya.
The couple were, at this point, still together – so it’s no wonder she was heartbroken.
If true, Harbour behaved terribly. We can only imagine how betrayed poor Lily must have felt. So it’s hardly surprising the mum-of-two wanted her spill-all moment.
With Harbour now dating a much younger model, she’d have to be a saint not to want revenge. And Lily is certainly no saint.
But unlike the rest of us who gather friends in the kitchen, or head to a fancy cocktail bar, Lily has a podcast.
So now the whole world knows she is “not over it”.
What if a male celeb took to the airwaves to slam his former lovers for being bad in bed? He would rightly be vilified as a sexist cad and promptly cancelled.
Joanna Williams
And, what’s more, we all now know about her exes’ failures between the sheets.
With the opportunity to vent on a recent live recording, Lily dished the dirt.
And she didn’t restrict the tongue lashing to her ex-hubby but took aim at all her exes.
“I don’t think there has been one person that has been remotely interested in my pleasure,” she told the audience and, via her podcast, the entire world.
“I have actual d**k blindness. I can’t even picture, not even my ex-husband’s or boyfriends. I can’t picture them at all. Apart from one as I have pictures of it on my phone.”
Lily, you should be ashamed. It’s all just TMI.
One day your kids will stick their mum’s name into Google.
Do you really want them to know you carry around a picture of an ex-lover’s crown jewels on your phone? I’m embarrassed on their behalf.
It seems only fair to ask what if this was the other way round.
What if a male celeb took to the airwaves to slam his former lovers for being bad in bed?
If body shaming is bad, why is sex shaming acceptable? If fat-shaming is a no-no, why is d**k shaming fine and dandy?
Joanna Williams
He would rightly be vilified as a sexist cad and promptly cancelled.
The #MeToo brigade would complain about women being publicly shamed and humiliated. Rightly so.
But if it’s not okay for men to do this, why is it not just acceptable, but actually praised as ‘empowering’ when women behave in the exact same way? These double standards shame women.
Yet there are examples everywhere. Just look at feminist complaints about body shaming. Lily herself has been swept up in this trend.
Back in 2021, after she shared a video of herself on Instagram, fans expressed concern that the singer was becoming too thin.
Lily, who has spoken of her struggles with alcohol and mental health problems, was quick to slap them down.
“Seriously where do you get off?” she asked. “You know nothing about me or my lifestyle. How dare you.”
She has a point. But if body shaming is bad, why is sex shaming acceptable? If fat-shaming is a no-no, why is d**k shaming fine and dandy?
It seems that nothing is private anymore.
Just occasionally, what happens behind closed doors is best kept behind closed doors.
Yet when it comes to discussing her sex life, attention-seeking Lily has no boundaries.
Back in January, she told The Times that Harbour was the first man she had ever slept with while sober, adding, “it’s been helpful to do it with someone that’s long-in-the-tooth in that game.”
Not the most flattering thing to say about a man 10 years her senior.
In a previous edition of her podcast, talk also turned to the couple’s sex life.
“I wonder if I kink-shame my husband?” she mused, “Because he quite often asks for things and I’m like ‘no babe it’s not happening.’”
Lily, enough already! Airing such private conversations in public is pure cringe.
And dressing-up man bashing as some kind of sex-positive feminism is particularly nauseating.
But from narcissism to hypocrisy, many things are odd about Lily’s sex talk.
Here’s another: she takes her audience for fools.
Are we really expected to believe that someone so confident at discussing all things intimate in public, and so forthright when it comes to calling out bad sex in front of a live studio audience, cannot communicate her needs and desires with one man in the bedroom?
But perhaps this is the problem.
Today’s culture tells us to spill-all in public, whether that’s on TV shows and podcasts if you are a celeb, or on social media if you’re not.
But when we do this, there’s nothing left that’s private. There’s no longer any room for trust and intimacy.
Take it from me, it’s trust and intimacy, more than anything else, that are the secret to great sex.
So Lily, I know you’ve not asked for it, but here’s my advice. The next time you’re tempted to d**k shame just put a sock in it.
