Moving in together is a huge milestone in any relationship – but we’ve all heard horror stories where couples have jumped the gun and it’s all gone wrong.
One Redditor, who has only been with their other half for a year, is currently weighing up whether they’re truly ready to cohabit. And they’re not looking to rent, but to buy.
‘We both live in a medium-sized town up north, and like most places, the rental market here is stretched thin,’ @PropertyEvening368 penned in the @HousingUK Reddit thread.
‘There is rarely anything available and all are in the region of £800 to £1,000 per month. We both make approx £40,000 per year and have approx £30,000 in savings, in our late 20s.
‘I am co-renting a house with an extended family member and the living situation is breaking down, [while] my partner is living with their parents. They come from a wealthy, supportive family whereas I was forced out of my family home at 18.
‘Our relationship is absolutely rock solid, and I intend to marry this person. Our values, life goals and interests align nearly perfectly.
‘When we started dating, we both had a ‘dream’ property in mind, [a] small cottage type with some land around it in our local area.’
Now, a house has come on the market that ticks all their boxes – and having sat down with their partner’s parents to discuss it, both their guts say a resounding yes.
‘Other than sleepovers three to four times a week, we have never truly lived together so I am slightly concerned on that aspect…we both want to live here long-term and start a family in this town,’ they added.
‘Are we crazy to attempt to purchase after only a year together, or is it too soon?’
However, not everyone in the comments section was supportive – and many were advising the couple not to take the plunge.
@RuthlessRemix did ‘exactly that’ and is now ‘selling and losing loads after less than two years.’
‘Everyone told me not to do it and I didn’t listen. It’s a b****y nightmare,’ they added.
In @Ambdry’s opinion, you can’t ‘truly know someone well enough to make a huge commitment like that after a year.’
‘I know so many couples where everything seemed good, but the relationship didn’t survive actual difficult times or major life events like illness or the death of a relative,’ they penned.
‘I think living together first is essential, [as] you just don’t really know about long-term compatibility in a relationship until you’ve lived with them.’
@EmergencyOver206 agreed, suggesting it was wise to rent together for a ‘couple of years’ before buying a place.
Meanwhile, @cashmerescorpio, who has been happily married for more than a decade, doesn’t believe it always ‘ends in tears.’
‘We got engaged after three months and bought a place together a year in,’ they wrote.
So, how soon is too soon to buy a property with your partner?
As sex and relationships expert Rhian Kivits tells Metro, it’s less about how long you’ve been in a relationship and more about whether you’re both ready for the next step.
‘We may each have a personal view of how long we need to wait before moving in together and this could be influenced by our upbringing and family values, what feels like the norm within our social group, and our past experience in relationships,’ Rhian explains.
‘Some couples differ in terms of their ideas in this respect, depending upon what moving in together means for each of them – it’s possible that one partner may feel like it’s a very serious step and a measure of commitment, while the other may feel like it’s no big deal.’
Before taking the plunge, Rhian suggests asking yourself the following questions:
- What are you seeking?
- What does the idea of moving in together mean for you?
- What do you feel you will gain from taking this step?
- Will taking this step mean you will have to make changes or sacrifices that will impact your lifestyle, your relationships with friends or family, or finances, and how do you feel about this?
‘It can be helpful to get clear on your financial and legal position, especially when buying, because there may be implications to being married vs being unmarried, and there may be implications if one of you is investing more cash into a property than the other one,’ Rhian adds.
‘This isn’t because you are a pessimist and expecting things to go wrong, but it’s about creating solid foundations and knowing you are both protected, which is great because this helps you focus on your relationship and the future without these underlying worries.’
How to protect yourself financially when buying a property with a partner
As Alex Brereton, partner at Hunters Law LLP previously told Metro, planning for a split might not sound very romantic, but it’s worth doing.
Having an idea of how the property would be divided after separating is fundamental – and the legal starting point is for the home to be registered jointly, citing both names on the deeds. Each will take 50% of it and receive half of the net proceeds upon its sale.
But as Alex acknowledges, this might not work for everyone, as ‘for others – perhaps where one of them has contributed significantly more to the purchase price, mortgage payments and/or renovation costs – this might feel very unfair.’
‘To avoid this, couples can enter into a Declaration of Trust which records how they would want to treat any unequal financial contributions if they break up and have to sell,’ Alex adds.
‘These can be very simple documents and should be suggested by your conveyancing solicitor when you are negotiating the purchase.’
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