Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and might just be the most perilous time of year for the chronically single – but there is comfort to be found.
Romance is rearing its ugly head and from Netflix to Channel 5, romantic movies are being pumped out to the masses in an attempt to warm even the coldest of hearts.
I for one love rom-coms, but there’s something about watching them while single on Valentine’s Day that just really makes me want to punch myself in the head.
However, there is an alternative. I have found a strange comfort to be found in a good horror movie.
It turns out, so many great horror films are underpinned by truly tragic relationships and there is nothing like watching a relationship crumble in the most traumatic way to make yourself feel relieved that you’re single.
In fact, some of my favourite films – featuring truly horrifying scenes – might be the best form of singleton self-care this romantic season.
Sure I’m single, but at least I don’t have a husband who sold me out to a cult and sentenced me to a life of raising a demon spawn.
Get Out was a huge horror hit in 2017 starring Daniel Kaluuya as Chris, who goes on a romantic weekend getaway with his girlfriend Rose (played by Alison Williams) to meet her parents. Cute right? Wrong.
Things are off to a bumpy start but go off the rails when he realises her family and neighbours are psychopathic racist serial killers who want to do some truly bizarre stuff to him.
The film is a brutal reminder that just because someone is stupidly hot, it doesn’t mean you should trust them – particularly when there is an abundance of evidence that they might not have your best interests at heart.
Rosemary’s Baby is a classic horror starring Mia Farrow as a newly married young woman who is gaslit within an inch of her life by her narcissistic husband.
The film begins with a lovely scene with the couple moving into a Manhattan apartment building – probably worth millions today – ready to start their new lives.
Unfortunately, Rosemary’s husband decides to secretly hand his wife over to a neighbourhood cult so that she can birth a half-demon child.
But not to fret it was all for a good cause – to further his acting career.
The film is a stark reminder that even when it comes time for a happy ending, fame and fortune can still be a big enough motivator for betrayal.
And while I’m not suggesting you jot down gaslighting as a red flag to avoid (because obviously?) the film is also a great reminder to avoid dating actors in general.
In the 2009 film Orphan, Kate and John Coleman decide to adopt a daughter after a stillbirth.
When their adopted daughter’s behaviour goes from unusual to terrifying, Kate’s concerns are of course overlooked by her husband who thinks she’s paranoid.
He even goes so far as to accuse her of drinking and threatens to take the children away from her. Fortunately, he gets his comeuppance, a fitting ending for his stupidity and lack of trust in his wife.
In Paranormal Activity, a woman named Katie is possessed and tormented by an evil spirit. Arguably the real villain in this film isn’t the spirits but her boyfriend, Micah.
While it’s difficult to know how to react when an evil spirit haunts your home, Micah illustrates exactly how not to act as he buys an Ouija board and basically sets up the second bedroom, subsequently inviting spirits into the home.
After expressing her concerns time and time again, poor Kate is ignored and belittled by her boyfriend who has a flippant response to her genuine concerns.
The movie fills me with joy as I remember that I will never be possessed by an evil spirit or live in a haunted house because I’m dating an idiot who wants to invite them in.
It’s unlikely the creators of these films intended them to have a hopeful feeling for the perpetually single, but I think it’s a silly form of self-care to remind yourself that being with the wrong person is awful.
So for those who are feeling a little bit lonely this Valentine’s, seek comfort in the fact that it’s better to be alone than dating a gaslighter, idiot, serial killer, or god forbid, an actor.
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