UNDER no other circumstances would I dream of recommending this next show.
However, if you want to see the true, horrifying extent of the BBC’s woke madness, catch this week’s episode of Waterloo Road, the show where all known science and soap stars go to die.
Lois reports her dying nan to the school, for the very modern crime of ‘dead-naming’, and vows never to visit her again on Waterloo Road[/caption]
EastEnders’ Lindsey Coulson has undergone a Judy Finnigan-style makeover to play Waterloo Road’s new headmistress[/caption]
New arrival in the latter category is EastEnders’ Lindsey Coulson, who’s undergone a Judy Finnigan-style makeover to play the school’s fearsome new headmistress Dame Stella Drake.
A transformation that, obviously, had nothing to do with the fact the local plod has just breathalysed Stella for drink-driving.
If the character has hit the bottle, though, you can’t blame them.
Any sane person would do the same thing if they were staring down the barrel of ten years on Waterloo Road, a show that pulls off the rare trick of being both terminally dull and bat-s**t crazy at the same time.
I say “crazy” because, for one thing, a lot of the pupils seem to be in their mid- twenties. No age concession is made either with the storylines which, for the most part, are just the standard-issue soap mixture of ar*ehole boyfriends, illnesses, love triangles and tiresome left-wing political obsessions.
On the 2023 comeback series it was slavery that really had the school talking.
This time round, they’ve put a trans pupil called Lois front and centre.
Rarely a good idea, for the simple reason, as EastEnders discovered with Kyle Slater, BBC dramatists are too cowardly and militantly PC to lumber a trans character with any of the usual soap flaws, so they just float around on a cloud of aloof saintliness until the viewers become so bored they’re forced to get rid of them.
Lois, you won’t be surprised to learn, fits this billing to a T, as we discovered on a visit to see a close-to-death grandmother who, through the fug of Alzheimer’s, was still taken aback to be greeted by her strapping 6ft-tall “granddaughter”.
“Who? I don’t have a granddaughter, only a grandson. Is that you, Jake?”
“Yes it is . . . grandad,” would’ve been the light-hearted response to that entirely understandable mistake, accompanied by a deep shrug of regret and the feeling that a loved one’s imminent death is a little bit more significant than your fecking pronouns.
But not this soldier. Lois takes the raging hump, reports Nan to the school, for the very modern crime of “dead-naming”, and vows never to visit her again.
As luck would have it, Nan dies a scene or two later, before she can discover this isn’t a story about the cold-hearted narcissism of the trans lobby at all.
Both the school and the BBC are on Lois’s side and the implication for the rest of us is clear: You’d have to be evil or demented to believe a boy couldn’t change gender to a girl.
Any week of the year, this would be an embarrassingly clumsy level of political propaganda to be pushing on viewers.
It felt twice as bad this week, though, because Waterloo Road’s brain fart coincided with the release of 2025’s best drama, Adolescence, which is every bit as hypnotic as a lot of people claim, thanks to the technical brilliance of its camera crew and Stephen Graham’s outstanding performance as Eddie Miller, the father of a teenage boy who’s stabbed a girl to death.
Waterloo Road’s brain fart coincided with the release of 2025’s best drama, Adolescence[/caption]
Aside from a school setting, however, Waterloo Road and Adolescence do have one thing in common.
Neither has a role for straight, white, working-class boys beyond thug or bully.
Nor does any mainstream TV drama, for that matter.
For, notwithstanding the fact Adolescence was partly based on Hassan Sentamu’s horrific murder of Elianne Andam, there was never the slightest chance the screen killer would be anything other than a straight, white, working-class lad.
They are the one group it’s apparently OK to vilify, stereotype, patronise and dismiss as irredeemably evil until such time as they say, “I’m actually a white, working-class girl.” At which point the woke establishment tilts its head in sympathy and says, “You’re very brave”.
And yet still, the TV industry, which so obviously detests this demographic, has spent the week shaking its head and wondering why they turn to poisonous, internet charlatans like Andrew Tate.
Yeah, I wonder.
Unexpected morons in the bagging area
THE Finish Line, Roman Kemp: “Walk The Line is a 2005 biopic about which country singer?”
Ashleigh: “John Wayne.”
Tipping Point, Ben Shephard: “After a huge refurbishment project, which former London power station opened to the public in October 2022?”
John: “The Savoy.”
And Impossible, Rick Edwards, who offered B) Joe Pasquale and C) Joe Lycett as possible answers to the question: “Which British comedian temporarily changed his name by deed poll to Hugo Boss in 2020 in a protest against the German fashion company?”
But Liela still chose “A) Joe Pesci.”
IMANI’S ONE TO FORGET
CHANNEL 4’s challenge show Tempting Fortune arrived back for a second series on Sunday night, without me being able to remember a single thing about the first one.
Honestly, not one little detail.
Imani’s staggering selfishness is matched only by her inability to read the room or pick up any viewer vibes on Tempting Fortune[/caption]
Not even the fact it’s hosted by Paddy McGuinness.
Dissociative amnesia, I think it’s called, whereby your brain removes all traces of a hideous personal trauma by wiping it from your memory.
Every wretched detail came flooding back, though, the moment Paddy reappeared and started to explain that it’s a glorified Dingo Dollar challenge with 12 contestants attempting to win £300,000 by trekking through the Malaysian jungle for 18 days, while resisting temptations that seem to be set at Borough Market prices.
So it’s £1,500 for a night in a comfy bed and £400 for a pint of Guinness.
Most of the dozen comply, sensibly enough.
But just as series one’s prize pot was sabotaged by bone idle Lani, so this year’s 300 grand is being spaffed away by a monstrous yap of millennial entitlement called Imani, whose staggering selfishness is matched only by her inability to read the room or pick up any viewer vibes.
As was perfectly demonstrated by the exclamation: “I hope a snake doesn’t attack while I’m in here.”
#TeamPitViper.
- STILL with Tempting Fortune and Imani in mind, the TV name of the week was definitely the show’s post production co-ordinator, Krupa Kuntawala.
WITH the award for Sunday evening’s most excited Newcastle United fan going to . . . ITV’s Les Ferdinand: “They’ll be celebrating until the cows run home.”
TV GOLD
Walton Goggins stealing the show as Rick on The White Lotus[/caption]
STEPHEN GRAHAM nailing every acting award going with their performances on Netflix’s Adolescence.
Walton Goggins stealing the show as Rick, on The White Lotus.
The Chase putting in a good shout for 2025’s best quiz show question with: “According to legend, who said, ‘There’s plenty of time to finish the game and beat the Spaniards’? A) Francis Drake; B) Walter Raleigh; C) Andy Murray.”
And EastEnders, which is either in the process of developing a sense of humour or has let a mischievous Arsenal fan on to the payroll.
Either way, Harvey Monroe has just turned Martin Fowler’s Spurs shirt into a comfort blanket and if they’re not in the club shop first thing Monday, Daniel Levy’s missing a trick.
Random TV irritations
THE ever-selective Last Leg treating that toxic old monster Alastair Campbell like he’s a cuddly national treasure rather than a war criminal.
ITV’s risible Line Of Duty rip-off Protection.
Contestant Max wearing a bandana on daytime quiz show Impossible. And the already faint pulse of comedy being extinguished by Amazon Prime’s Last One Laughing host Jimmy Carr introducing Joe Lycett, Judi Love, Sara Pascoe and its other usual suspects with the claim: “If these ten can’t make you laugh, you’re dead inside.”
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
LOOKALIKE OF THE WEEK
THIS week’s winner is Jayne off The Chase and Alan Carr.
Emailed in by Michelle Neal.
GREAT TV lies and delusions of the week.
Great British Bake Off For Stand Up To Cancer, Alison Hammond to Rosie Ramsey: “You’ve got a natural talent for singing.”
Don’t encourage her.
Tempting Fortune, Imani: “I’m not here to make enemies.” And yet . . .
Last One Laughing, Jimmy Carr: “Sara Pascoe (right) is a brilliant comedian and vegan.”
Vegan.
WITH Love, Meghan: “What’s the lifespan of a bee?”
Approximately four to six weeks longer than this show’s.
QUIZ show answer of the week. The Finish Line, Roman Kemp: “The Egg Chasers is a podcast about which sport?”
Cassie: “Egg and spoon race.”
Great sporting insights
MICHAEL DAWSON: “Gravenberch is the unsung hero that people are talking about.”
Stephen Warnock: “Newcastle are a known unknown.”
And Tim Sherwood: “No good news for Aston Villa. But the good news is, they can’t get any worse.”
(Compiled by Graham Wray)
