Wedding planner and venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, no matter how big or small, in a weekly agony aunt column.
Dear Alison,
For as long as I can remember I’ve had a really specific image of what I want my wedding to look like, and that’s in a church. I’ve been to lots of weddings and it’s always the ones in churches that have looked and felt special.
I did go to church with my parents when I was a kid but only for special celebrations, and as an adult, I am not religious, nor is my fiancé. I have looked at civil venues online and they just aren’t the same; they don’t do it for me.
I know my partner’s parents are really keen on us having a church wedding, too. Can we still have one if we don’t believe or ever go?
Thank you,
Pip
Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?
Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense.
If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand.
Email [email protected] to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.
Dear Pip,
It is exciting that you are starting to think about your special day.
Since you’ve held the vision of a church wedding for a long time, I completely understand why the idea feels so significant to you.
Church weddings carry a sense of tradition and timelessness – inspiring a ceremony that can feel incredibly moving and memorable.
The music, setting, and rituals all add a spiritual depth and meaning to the moment, so it’s no wonder many people feel drawn to them, even if faith hasn’t played a big part in their lives.
The good news is that, in many cases, it is possible to have a church wedding, even if you and your partner aren’t regular churchgoers.
The Church of England, for example, is quite open to marrying people regardless of their beliefs, as long as some requirements are met.
Essentially, in their case, one of you may have to have a connection to the church. That could look like you having lived in the parish for six months, you or your partner having been christened or confirmed in the parish or, you both may have to start regularly attending services for at least six months before you can get married in the church.
The latter is not a test of belief but as a way to become part of the church community and reflect on your commitment.
I would advise reaching out to your local parish church (or one that’s especially meaningful or beautiful to you) and having an honest conversation with the vicar.
However, while these rules may be the case in the Church of England, other branches of Christianity might have different rules – or no rules at all.
Over the last 12 years we have seen a variety of couples at our venue, many of whom are not from the area and have no connection to it apart from wanting to have their wedding reception with us.
We’ve seen couples get married in an array of churches and each had different requirements for their wedding ceremony to be held at that particular one.
Again, it’s best to reach out to the church itself and open a conversation.
You don’t need to pretend to be something you’re not – simply explain what the setting means to you and why you feel it’s the right place to begin this next chapter in your life.
Many clergy members are understanding and genuinely happy to support couples in creating a meaningful ceremony, regardless of their background or beliefs.
It is important to note that a church is not just a venue, but a community of people who commit their lives to a higher power.
Take some time to reflect on what it is about the church weddings you have seen that made them feel so special. Was it the architecture? The music? The sense of solemnity?
If you dig a little into what you’re really drawn to, it might help you find ways to include those elements no matter where you marry – recreating a church aesthetic is possible in manors or castles.
It’s also worth mentioning, that unless one of you is Catholic, you will not be able to get married in a Catholic church.
Regardless of what you settle on, it’s lovely that your partner’s parents support the idea. Their backing could help smooth the process and make it feel even more like a family celebration.
At the end of the day, this is your wedding. It’s a moment to celebrate love, commitment, and the life you’ve built together.
Wherever it takes place, it should feel authentic to you.
I wish you a joyful planning journey and a beautiful, love-filled wedding day, wherever you choose to say ‘I do.’
Best wishes,
Alison
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