GETTING engaged is a deeply personal moment, and when you choose to share the big news is entirely up to you and your partner.
From how you announce it to where you do, many couples like to take their time and think it through before making it public.
A woman has been left fuming after trouble with her future mother-in-law[/caption]
But one woman feels this opportunity was taken away from her after her future mother-in-law announced the engagement on Facebook before they had told anyone.
The woman, who has remained anonymous, called out both her mother-in-law and fiancé – only to now face pressure from her fiancé’s father to apologise.
Taking to the online forum Reddit’s Am I the A*****?* page, the 20-year-old explained that she had only just got engaged to her partner, also 20.
However, she shared that “within four hours” of calling each of their parents, her future mother-in-law had already posted an engagement announcement on social media.
In the post, she had even included personal photos that the couple had only shared with her in the excitement of the moment.
She wrote: “This was distressing to my fiancé and I as we were calling friends and family to tell them AND waiting for some professional pictures from our photographer before announcing publicly.
“We were also under the impression this was proper etiquette / social understanding to not announce big things (engagement, wedding, babies, etc) ahead of the couple.”
The woman said her fiancé “decided to call his mother and express his discontentment” with her actions.
She explained that it was an “emotional conversation” in which her future mother-in-law became “quite defensive” – but ultimately took the post down.
She continued: “We got the photos from the photographer [in] the next day or so and decided to share (since we’d finally made all our rounds).”
After posting them on Facebook, her fiancé’s mum then shared the new set of photos but added the caption: “If they’ll forgive me, I’m excited…” – which the couple found unsettling.
The anonymous woman added: “My family and our mutual friends thought it was odd and kind of self-centred to share our engagement announcement like that.”
Her fiancé called his mum again to clarify that they didn’t want “any conflict” over their engagement, but he believed people would question her caption.
His father stepped in and essentially said she didn’t mean harm and that my fiancé should apologise for upsetting his mother
The anonymous woman
However, this only made things “heated,” and the mother-in-law reacted by saying she wouldn’t share anything about the couple anymore.
She continued: “His father stepped in and essentially said she didn’t mean harm and that my fiancé should apologise for upsetting his mother.
“My fiancé explained that he didn’t feel like he was wrong and that he did not overreact […].”
Many people shared their thoughts in the comments.
Are wedding rules right or wrong?
By Josie Griffiths, Fabulous deputy editor and bride-to-be
Josie Griffiths said: When I was planning my wedding this August, the idea of sending out a list of ‘rules’ never once popped into my mind.
The first two this bride created seem fair enough, but also like they should be common sense, and then they just descend into chaos.
Insisting on “approving” all photos before they go out and ordering guests to stick to a “minimalist” colour palette seems pretty OTT to me.
And rudely telling guests to leave you alone when you arrive at the ceremony and eat your dinner – while also ordering them to come say goodbye before leaving – is a bit mad.
I don’t know how many guests this bride is inviting, but everyone knows weddings can get a bit manic. Of course it’d be nice to greet and say goodbye to everyone personally, but I’ve come to peace with the fact that probably won’t happen.
Like with everything in life, once you get yourself in a tizz about everything happening a certain way, you’re basically setting yourself up for failure.
I don’t pretend to be the most laid-back bride ever and I can’t promise I won’t get a bit stressed if we’re running loads behind on the morning of my wedding, but this is just massively over the top.
I agree with the commenters, I wouldn’t bother going.
One user wrote: “If you don’t tell your family that something is [supposed] to be quiet, they will talk about it and post about it. This just seems like a communication issue.
“The MIL [mother-in-law] didn’t do anything wrong because OP didn’t tell them to keep it quiet […]. People can’t read other [people’s minds].”
Another added: “Social media has only been around for 15 years.
“That’s really not enough time for common etiquette or for an older generation to know how to handle it, as this isn’t something that they dealt with when they were getting married.”
A third commented: “NTA. You’re never wrong for telling someone how something they did made you feel. […]
“I get she was excited the first time but the caption when she reposted the professional photos was intentionally petty & she doesn’t get a pass for being bitter & spiteful.”
Dos and don’ts of wedding dress codes
By Josie Griffiths, Fabulous deputy editor and bride-to-be.
Josie Griffiths said: I’ll never forget the wedding I went to in October 2022 where a guest wore a white dress.
It was ill-fitting, knee length and looked nothing like an actual wedding dress, but that didn’t stop everyone judging her.
The rules on wedding guest outfits – which are annoyingly loads stricter for women than they are for men – are meant to be about “not upstaging the bride”, which in reality is quite hard to do on someone else’s wedding day.
But if you get it wrong as a guest, you do end up looking a bit silly, and in front of loads of people who don’t know you personally.
It’s just not the occasion for your new white dress, as much as online stores love dumping them in the ‘wedding guest’ section.
I’d avoid anything too tight/short, and ditch super formal gowns unless the dress code calls for them – you don’t want to be in a full length sequin gown at a smart casual event.
Personally I don’t like black dresses either, it isn’t a funeral.
Otherwise you should be pretty safe. Technically wearing red means you’re in love with the groom, but that’s the kind of rule most people would scoff at nowadays.
I do always check what colour the bridesmaids are in, just to be safe, after the Spanish wedding where I watched them walk down the aisle in the exact same dress I’d had in my Asos shopping basket just weeks earlier.
If in doubt, safest to just double check with the bride… but if you’re already doubting your dress that might be all the answer you need.
