Turning to my girlfriend, Iara, I said out loud, ‘Ich liebe dich’.
I didn’t even know the English translation – I just repeated it to her and asked, ‘Babe, what does this mean?’ She looked at me, her eyes wide with surprise and delight, and said, ‘It means “I love you”’.
We had already said those words in English, but hearing them in her language added a layer of intimacy neither of us expected. Iara is German and I had recently started learning how to speak in her native tongue.
We had been crazy about each other since the start.
After matching with on a dating app in October 2022, we arranged to meet for a meal.
When I walked into the restaurant, I was immediately attracted to her. When we got to chatting, I realised I had never met anyone like her before, as she was beautiful, clever, and spoke five languages.
In fact, her English was so flawless I didn’t realise she was German at first and was surprised when she told me. I invited her to mine after the meal and we stayed up chatting and laughing until 2am.
Our second date was at my house and she turned up with a bottle of cachaca – the national drink of Brazil – as her father is Brazilian. We had an amazing time chatting, drinking, and watching a movie.
Shortly after our third date, again hanging out together at mine, she went back to Germany for Christmas.
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We FaceTimed every day for somewhere between one and three hours and if I went without speaking to her for at least an hour it would ruin my day.
After Christmas, we met up again, spending a day in Wales. As we held hands and enjoyed watching a sunset, I could feel myself falling for her.
One particularly beautiful moment was when she gave me a thoughtful gift of a cup and saucer tea set from a second hand store, inspired by a conversation we previously had about how much I loved it after seeing it on Pinterest.
Two months later in Bradford, she gave me an envelope with a gift of some purple earrings and a pen and paper. There was a box to tick if I wanted us to be exclusive – so of course I ticked it.
The language barrier was never a problem thanks to how fluent Iara was, but then there was the day everything changed for me – a moment that reshaped not just our relationship but also who I wanted to become.
Iara had had an upsetting exchange with a friend about how they were not as understanding, emphatic and there for her in the same way she was for them – it had not gone well.
She tried to tell me about it, but she was upset, crying, and struggling to express herself in English, her second language.
Her frustration and inability to fully communicate in that moment broke my heart. I wanted so badly to connect with her in her native tongue, but I couldn’t.
It felt like she was alone on this horrible island and I could not reach her.
That day, I made a promise to myself: I would learn German, fluently. I wanted to make sure that, no matter how raw or overwhelming her emotions might be, she could always express herself to me in the way that felt most natural to her.
So I immediately set about using online language lessons through Babbel where you do 10 minutes every day reading, writing, and speaking, as well as watching TV shows and using GCES books.
Learning German became a love language of its own. I started texting her little things in German as I learned them, and seeing her joy was all the motivation I needed.
The impact went beyond just us. When I met her family – who spoke little English – my budding German helped me connect with them on a deeper level. I was able to say, ‘I love your granddaughter, she is so special.’
It showed not just my commitment to Iara, but to her entire world – a good thing too as, after university, our relationship became long-distance.
Iara had always intended to return to Germany after her studies but I had planned to move to, and had already signed a lease for, a flat in Liverpool.
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That distance didn’t matter though, in fact, it made every trip feel like unlocking a new level in a game.
But the best part still has to be the way her face lights up when I speak German. That look of pride and love – it’s worth every moment spent learning.
Language isn’t just words; it’s a bridge, a promise, and a symbol of how far we’re willing to go for the people we love.
Iara and I now talk very often in German. I still sometimes sound very formal when I don’t want to be but am continuing to learn new words, phrases and more casual and colloquial terms to help this.
I would love to be fluent just so I feel super comfortable in the language and can express myself the way I would in English and sound like myself. Thankfully it is getting easier, partly thanks to the fact that, in 2023, I moved to Germany with Iara.
We love living together in her country. It’s so beautiful with great quality food and I’ve met some of the best people of my entire life through moving here and learning this language.
I even plan to do it all again and learn to speak Brazilian Portuguese – another language she speaks – someday soon.
Being with Iara has taught me so much, literally, and I’m looking forward to our amazing, multi-lingual future together.
As told to Louisa Gregson
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