A woman who was groomed by her music teacher for years before he took her prisoner for half a decade has bravely shared how she managed to escape.
Lisa Turner, who is now 56, first met her abuser as a pre-teen in the 1980s and says he started to show an interest in her when she was just 12.
Lisa’s family emigrated from the UK to Australia when she was two, and the teacher started to manipulate her and her parents in secondary school, telling them she was a wayward child who needed closer supervision.
He told them he was taking her under his wing – but Lisa was only 13 when he started to pressure her for sex.
Lisa, now a transformational coach and certified therapist, helps others who have escaped abusive relationships.
She has shared her story to try and inspire other victims to take action.
Describing how the abuse began, Lisa explained: ‘Slowly, he started spending more time with me, giving me more personal attention, sort of private lessons.
‘And then it started to be more full on with lots of presents and treats and taking me out.’
Lisa’s abuser manipulated her into sexual activity when she was 14, having made her believe this was a normal romance.
The next year, he left Australia to move to London, and convinced Lisa to move with him aged just 15 – so he could take further advantage of her far away from her parents.
Her mother begrudgingly let her move to London, and she spent the first few weeks happily together before he took greater control of her life.
‘Just before my 15th birthday, he started to send me threats that he was going to kill himself if I didn’t go to England straight away,’ Lisa explained.
Latest London news
‘My mum was in a really difficult situation, because she could see how manipulated I’d been by him. She didn’t think it was a good idea.
‘People ask me “what was your mum thinking?” But she was thinking, “what’s the least s*** thing I can do here?”
‘She thought, if I don’t send her, she’ll probably run away and figure out a way of getting there anyway.
‘She thought it was better that I went – with a begrudging agreement that I stayed in touch. This proved to be a lifeline later on.’
Lisa was allowed to attend school in north London, but was forbidden from leaving the house for any other reason. He controlled what she ate, how she dressed, and who she could speak to.
She hoped that her abuser would one day see her as his equal, as long as she did well in school and eventually earned a university degree.
But one day, after she’d been locked in a claustrophobic back room as a punishment, Lisa says she had an epiphany.
‘This is how a lot of abusive relationships go. They really mess with your mind,’ she said.
‘He convinced me that somehow he knew everything. He would say, “I’m always watching you, even when I’m not there. I know what you’re doing”.
‘I remember thinking he had cameras everywhere recording me, which he didn’t. But he had me believing that.
‘I couldn’t ever speak to anyone else because he needed me that much.
‘It was a double-edged sword, because, on the one hand, it is sort of flattering that somebody needs you that much, especially when you’re too young to really understand how relationships work.
‘And for a long time, I just thought I was in a normal relationship.
‘I was feeling so desperate. I was like, “somebody must hear me. Somebody must see this and save me”.
‘And then I heard the weirdest thing. It was like this distorted voice, like when someone shouts out of the window of a moving car, and it said “no one is coming.”
‘First, I was really shocked. But then I thought “well, if no one’s coming, I better stop waiting”.
‘And that’s when I slowly but surely started to get my life together.’
Lisa had been allowed to move to the UK on the condition she maintained regular contact with her mum – which turned out to be a lifeline.
She told her mother about the abuse over the phone, and they spent six months planning her escape.
First she opened a bank account, and then found a safe place to live alone and store all of her belongings.
Following her escape she considered taking legal action against her abuser – but Lisa decided against it as there was no guarantee of sucess.
‘I met with a barrister who warned “very decision you ever made before, during and after that relationship will be scrutinised”,’ she said.
The lawyer told her: ‘It will consume you and no one there will be saying “how awful”. Instead, the underwear you wore that Thursday in November when he raped you will be questioned.
‘You will live it night and day and you have to ask; will that give you the healing and the resolution that you want?’
In more recent years, people have suggested Lisa’s abuser could have gone on to abuse other people.
‘I say I can do far more good now sharing my work and training others, because here’s the thing; he didn’t abuse because he’s an evil person,’ Lisa says.
‘He is abusive, and this is very well researched in in psychological literature, because hurt people hurt.
‘Everything about my work is enabling people to recover from all of their hurts. I do a lot of work with abusers. It’s not easy for me, but I will help them.’
Now married, Lisa lives in Cornwall and has children and grandchildren.
When asked what advice she would give to someone who thinks a friend or loved one is trapped in an abusive relationship, she said: ‘My best advice is don’t ever tell them he or she is abusing them, or that they’re being abused, because the shutters will just come up. You can’t come at it like that.
‘What you can do is stay around, stay in touch, and be supportive.
‘They will be s***** friends. They will cancel at the last minute because their abuser doesn’t want them to go out that night, but just stay in touch.
‘And if they do speak to you about it, just ask questions. How do you feel? What do you want? What would you like your relationship to be like?
‘And my suggestions for somebody who is starting to realise they’re in an abusive relationship would be to search online.
‘There’s a wealth of information like the signs of a truly abusive relationship.
‘Check it out and figure it out. And then speak to some people that you know will be non-judgmental.’
Get in touch with our news team by emailing us at [email protected].
For more stories like this, check our news page.
